the inconsistency theory

moving out, and more

2011-07-03T21:09:00.002+08:00

Today is my last day at work. No, I will not be having my rest days the day after or be on leave. I am officially out of this mess. Work, that is. It's already the effectivity date of my resignation. Technically, it should be tomorrow, but because it's a bank holiday, I don't have to be here. I feel good about leaving this time, unlike my seperation with the previous companies I had worked with. I have a lot of friends, and crushes, here but the want to leave is too much to even consider them. I feel free now. I am scheduled for a final interview tomorrow. That I am looking forward to. I hope I make it though. If not, then so be it. I have decided not to overthink things out days ago. I'm sticking to it. If I can give myself a pat at the back, I would have done it already. I actually can, but I don't want to look ridiculous.

tree of life, and the sadness that lingered

2011-06-30T04:30:00.003+08:00

I want to see Tree of Life. Again. Now. Sure, watching it made me cry, and the sadness that came with it lingered. Until now. I still feel it. Everytime I think of the movie, and the scenes I love in it, I'd feel bad. Sometimes it's not just sadness. It's something different. Something I don't know what to call, or name. What's weird is that I don't think I totally get what the movie really was about. I have things in mind but it could be different from what the writer has in his. However, I felt it. My heart understood.

untitled 6:55PM

2011-04-07T18:42:00.004+08:00

For the nth time, I would just like to write about how much I hate my job. It's just an easy job. It pays well. I get to buy things I like and help my family financially. But it's what I do when I'm working that I hate the most. Listening to people complain when I have so much on my plate already makes me sick. Others just don't complain, like it's not enough for one to take. They blame you. Now, my managers, both at present and in the past, would always tell me to not take it personally. I can't help it though. And now, I'm planning to go back to school this June. Extra pressure. If I stay in this job while studying, I might as well just kill myself. This is a thought that comes to mind everytime I think about it. But I need a degree to get out of this mess. A mess I, partly, created for myself. And everytime I try to think of the best way to free myself from all of this craziness, there's only one thing that I really want to do: Go home.

just sayin'

2011-04-05T20:17:00.002+08:00

So a friend started blogging again here, Blogger. In Filipino. Or make that Taglish (Tagalog-English), which is kind of awesome because Taglish, for me, is cool. I have always wanted to do it myself, blogging in Filipino. I had started and actually posted some entries already, but it didn't quite feel right then so I deleted them. I don't think I will ever try again. I don't get the same feeling when writing in Filipino as when reading something written in the said language.

in exactly 3 hours and 34 minutes

2011-03-08T02:47:00.002+08:00

As always, life is boring. Nothing interesting had happened in the past weeks that's life changing. I had coffee with a friend last saturday, this time at SB. Their Cafe Latte tasted like that of Starbucks, which makes sense. I am supposed to write how awesome I feel that my rest day will officially start in just a few hours. Suddenly, though, it doesn't feel as exciting as it felt a few minutes ago. Weird. But then again, I am an inconsistent theorist. It shouldn't be so surprising.

the inconsistent is back part III

2011-02-22T23:02:00.002+08:00

But it doesn't feel right posting the same post I had posted on my other blog. I mean what's the sense of maintaining two blogs with the same content? I could just delete my other blog and continue blogging here, but I can't just do it. The other blog, where I have been actively blogging for months now, contains not just words but my thoughts and feelings. It's me. I guess I'll stop overthinking about this whole blogging thing. Besides I have so many things to do. I havent finished reading the novel I started few years ago. And there's TV.

And this is me talking to myself.

a place where i belong

2011-02-22T23:01:00.001+08:00

I suddenly miss my niece, Thea. She’s my everything. I love her to death and I’d die for her. I haven’t seen her in such a long time though. I haven’t been home for months now. I don’t want to go home yet. Not now. I wanted to be with my family so badly but the thought that I might not be able to come back here (the city) is stopping me from spending time with them. I work here and I just can’t give my work up.

Every time I’m there, home, I just couldn’t think of any other place I want to be at but there. I remember being absent from work a couple of times on the first day of the work week after my two-day off. It has always been a struggle to force myself back to the city. Always. And I’ve been avoiding that for the longest time now. That pains me more than anything else in the world.

the inconsistent is back part II

2011-02-22T22:54:00.002+08:00

I actually had written one fiction in Tagalog here last night. I posted it. I saved it as draft just now. I don't think it was such a good idea, me writing in Filipino. It even sucks more than me writing in English. What I'll do is that I'll post whatever I'm posting in Wordpress here starting today. Those that I had posted already on my other blog will stay and be left there. I don't want to do a manual transfer.

not now, not yet.

2011-02-22T02:03:00.002+08:00

I tried the plan. It failed even before I started. Tagalog fiction I could try. Will probably just do that instead of sharing my thoughts and experiences. Will post my first Pinoy fiction really soon. I hope the interest wouldn't fade, as it always does with so many other things I've tried in the past.

the inconsistent is back

2011-02-21T20:35:00.005+08:00

I've been actively blogging with Wordpress for the past weeks. Just recently though, I realized that I prefer Blogger over it. I asked a friend if he knows how to import entries from my other blog in here. He didn't think Blogger has that option. Or the other way around. Now if I really want to transfer all my posts from Wordpress, I would have to do it manually. And I'm not doing it.

I have come up with the idea of continuing to blog here. In Filipino. I have always wanted to try it, blogging in Filipino. The only thing that gets in the way of me starting doing it is the fact that I'm not good in expressing myself in the said language. And this is not to say that I'm good in doing so in English or any other language.

So the next post will already be in Filipino. When will the next post be, I don't have any idea.

the why's and others

2010-01-08T15:43:00.004+08:00

I just hate it when I am about to make a decision that I am not even sure would work for the best. A lot has to be considered. Why is it that we can't make our decisions by just basing on our own happiness. Why do we have to consider other people's take on things that we get ourselves into? Why do we consider their happiness as well? Can we just do it for ourselves? Can we just be happy without having to worry about others? I know I have the answers to these questions. Then why do I have to ask them? Why?

blogging is still cool

2009-10-18T22:00:00.003+08:00

The last time I have written anything in here, or have written anything at all, was last July. That's three months. Have my life been that boring? A little, maybe.

Today, I have, once again, seen Julie and Julia. I still love it after the third viewing. My BFF loved it, too. It was my second time when I watched it with her. We were texting earlier while I'm watching the movie. She said that it's the best movie she has seen so far this year, and that she wants to watch it again some other time.

I replied by saying that one of my reasons in staying with the job I can't stand is for us to be able to watch more movies, especially now that the Oscars is nearing.

Adventureland

2009-08-02T11:12:00.003+08:00

Watching Adventureland makes me believe that love can fix anything; that everything will be alright for as long as you are inlove with someone who actually loves you back. It gives me hope that someday, and I hope this does not take that long, I will be able to meet someone I can fall in love with inspite of the person's imperfections. When I write imperfections, that includes the person's past - which could turn out to be as dark as you can imagine. You will love that person because there's nothing that would feel right other than doing so.

leaving

2009-07-30T19:55:00.006+08:00

They took the same way when they went home after rendering post shift over time for four hours. Both felt wasted from over working. Although, in reality, they did not do anything for the entire four hours other than waiting for their shift to end. They were silent while walking side by side on the sidewalk. Only the sound of the passing cars kept the awkwardness of their silence from being noticed.

When are you leaving?, John asked.

On the 7th, he replied.

They went on walking.

Why are you leaving anyway?

Because of you, he joked.

This is all your fault. Then he smiled when he saw John smiled.

Then they were silent again for a few minutes.

Is it?, John asked when they were about to part ways. John will have to cross the street to get a cab home.

I'm sorry?

Is it? Is it really my fault?

He just smiled and hailed a taxi.

Don't be late tomorrow, he said and went inside the cab.

The taxi went off. He looked back and saw John still standing on the same spot where he left him. John's image was vague from a distance, but he was certain that the man standing on that very spot is the man he fell in love to.

on sedaris

2009-07-30T19:39:00.002+08:00

I have been reading some of Sedaris' works that were featured on The New Yorker. I can't help but admire the man's craft. His ability to express what it is he expresses defines him as a person. And he does express himself in such a way that touches one's heart, and awakens one's love and respect for literature. His language is easy on the eyes. He grabs one's attention by his prose.

Is he really, like, gay?

status: complicated

2009-07-17T14:20:00.002+08:00

Funny when we notice how people complicate things. We always have a say on what should be or should have been done, and what should have not been done at all. We tend to act learned. Experts. But when the situation strikes and we find ourselves a part of the complication, we forget. And when advised to keep things simple, we tend to think they don't understand. It's complicated, we tell them. Just like in love, the more you fall to it, the comlicated it gets. We still love inspite of this. It hurts, yes. So what?

love is.

2009-06-21T18:32:00.010+08:00

He is rather early for work today. As a matter of fact, he is three hours early. He buys a pack of cigar at a convenient store located on the ground floor, just beside the entrance of their office. Office. Such a funny word to describe the place where he is working at. At least for him it is. He decides to go straight up to the roof deck. What a great way to start the day than damaging your lungs some more, he thinks. He takes one stick and lights it up.

His heart starts beating really fast when he recognizes the person approaching him. It's M. He got this thing for the guy. And M knows it. M is the code he uses at the office so that not everybody would know who it is he has a crush on.

M lights his cigarette up and puffs the first smoke in a manner so seductive he can kill someone by it. But it is not M intention to seduce him. Or anybody for that matter. That he knows.

Why are you here so early, M asks.

To see you, he replies. Then they both laugh.

Seriously, he added after awhile.

The subtlety of how he expresses what's real, as they both know it, makes them laugh again.

duplicity.

2009-06-08T13:42:00.006+08:00

The first scene was so beautiful. We see Tom Wilkinson and Paul Giamatti, shouting at each other at first then on a fist fight. Then I realized Elwsit photographed it. Robert Elswit is one of the many people I truly admire. He knows what he is doing, and he is doing it with such brilliance. I wonder if I can be that kind of person. Someone who is sure with what he wants (to do) and can do it with a heart. With love. With passion. I wonder when it will happen to me, or if it will ever happen at all.

about M.

2009-06-05T14:45:00.004+08:00

I have not written anything in here in a long time. Been so into Facebook and Twitter lately, so I sort of not been able to find time to blog. And there's M. The reason why I am so eager to go to work everyday inspite the fact that I despise what I do there. If only I have been able to find the time, I would have written so many entries by now. All about M. That would probably bore others, including myself. But that would be the most honest I can get. Ever. I'm thinking record-breaking.

he can be joker, only he's not funny

2009-05-06T21:15:00.006+08:00

I am literally addicted to The Office. In case you haven't heard of it yet (Shame on you. Just kidding), it's an American TV series aired by NBC (I think). It stars Steve Carell as Michael, who is so obnoxious you'd kill yourself whenever he's around. What is so annoying about him is that he doesn't seem to be aware that he is, well, very annoying. He thinks of himself otherwise.

'The office' is in a chaos all the time. All the time. This needs to be emphasized. You have people like Dwight there- who is, by the way, as spiteful as Michael. But there are cute and lovable characters as well like Jim and Pam. I like Toby, too, for reasons still unclear to me. Although 'the office' can be as hell as any other working environment can be, I would love to be in there. I want to be a part of a family of crazy individuals who can sometimes be difficult to deal with. Because in the 'the office', and this is just based on how I feel when watching it, you feel alive. You know that feeling when you think that something bad happens you think ruins everything, by the end of the day, when you're already lying on your bed, you still feel happy and content? I don't know how to explain it. I just feel it sometimes. That's I think how it would feel working there.

And the thing I said (or wrote) about Michael awhile ago is what you'd probably see when you see him. However, there are moments that you would think he knows exactly how obnoxious he is. He is just trying to be likable, and he fails terribly. He is still the best boss in the world for me though, as what we see is printed on his mug

to the Z

2009-05-03T18:17:00.003+08:00

I have watched 17 Again again this afternoon. Why? Well, aside from the fact that I do not have anything else to do and that I am bored to death (I am just exaggerating, ofcourse), I do not feel that well. On the inside. I am glad to have seen the movie again. There are moments in there that when you look at Efron and pay very close attention, you'd see not only great talent but sincerity. And it fucking kills me. Seriously.

M.

2009-05-01T07:34:00.003+08:00

We were at a coffee shop along Boni Ave., our favorite place. It used to be our favorite place. I am not really in the mood for coffee, but you were very insistent. A frap isn't that bad, I joked.

How are you, I asked.

Fine.

Just fine?

Then I looked at you in the eyes, and I knew right then.

You're not inlove anymore, are you?

I don't know.

You don't know?

I don't know.

Okay.

Okay.

So what now?, I asked.

I don't know.

Okay.

Okay, you said. Then you looked away.

And that was it. Sometimes people fall out of love because they have found someone new to fall inlove with. Sometimes, they get tired of being the only one who loves. And sometimes, they just do. It's the hardest because you can't do anything about it.

i am not there

2009-04-20T18:26:00.002+08:00

I am not there
but I see you, I hear you, I feel you.
I am not there
but you are here in my mind, in my heart, in my soul.
I am not there
but you linger in my dreams, in my memory, in my pain.
I am not there.
I am not there.
But I am here loving, living, and waiting.
I am here.
I am ready.
I am here.
Hear.

untitled

2009-04-20T13:54:00.000+08:00

It’s already past eight in the evening when he checked the clock that has been hanging on the wall behind the counter where the reservation for billiard tables takes place, and where he had been assigned when he had worked here, while studying at the same time, some two years ago. And if his estimation was correct, he had been here for more than thirty minutes already, waiting for him. He might not be coming afterall, he thought. It’s pretty much what he would have expected, if he was expecting anything at all. But he’ll stay and wait for him here until the place closes. It was his idea to meet him at Enricos’, a place usually frequented by college students after school, and which is usually full on Saturdays that the owner had to make a sign and post it outside the door to let those who were coming in that there’s no more room inside and to just come back later.

Five minutes later Lex arrived, wearing the usual smile he had been known for, the sweet and sincere one, and though this time it seemed unfamiliar to Alan, or distant, or that something felt off with it, he smiled back at him.

I’m glad you made it. I thought you’re not coming, Alan said, holding a can of soda in one hand and a cue stick on the other. Thanks, he continued.

No problemo, Lex replied, grabbing the stick from Alan’s grip. I don’t have anything to do, anyway.

They were childhood friends, Alan and Lex. They are still friends, Alan believed. But it has been a week that they haven’t talk to each other. No phone calls. No nothing. If Alan hadn’t seen him at school yesterday, and not asked him to meet tonight, this set up may took another week. Or months. Or years, maybe. Nobody can tell for sure. Funny how something so strong, something you thought is that strong, could collapse in just a blink of an eye just because of a stupid mistake. Something that can’t be un-done. It can happen even with friendship. Theirs was on the process of collapsing. One of them, atleast, thought so.

Haven’t you talk to her yet? Alan finally asked.

Who?

Lisa.

Nope. I don’t think it would be a great idea, I mean talking to her. He said, shifting his attention to Alan. And can we not talk about it, about her.

He wasn’t bitter. Not at all. He just didn’t like to talk about her or see her, that’s all. And he’s not blaming her for all of this. Not anymore. Things happen, sometimes, for no reason at all. They just happened. Like what Alan told him. His friend, for the life of him, didn’t even know why he did what he did, kissing her. His girl. He knew he shouldn’t have done it, and that he didn’t mean for all of this to happen. But what happened happened. He didn’t even asked any question about it, Lex. It’s too much to discuss, the situation.

They’ve been silent for a while. Lex seemed to be more focused in playing billiards , which both he and Alan knew he hated before, than the conversation itself. But Alan didn’t mind it.

I’ve talked to her yesterday, Alan said. I was on my way to my chem class when I saw her. She’s a mess now. You can tell if you’ve seen her. She told me she missed you, and that she was sorry too.

Did she asked you to tell me that? Tell her I’m flattered.

No, no. She didn’t. I thought you should know. Talk to her.

Silence.

Look, it was my fault. I’m really hoping we can talk about it, of what happened. I’m.. I am really sorry. I should have never done it. I know it’s too late, and that I couldn’t change what happened or turn back time. I feel stupid for doing what I’ve done.

Silence again. Lex heard him ofcourse but his attention was still fixed on the table where balls of different colors were waiting for him, for his next move.

I’m sorry. Alan said again.

Lex looked at him for a moment, smiled and after a few seconds, went on playing.

I know, he said before hitting number 7.

that familiar feeling

2009-04-19T07:05:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, after watching 17 Again (I am surprised the movie turned out to be good, and that Efron can really act), I felt a very strange feeling. It was, and still is, strange it gives me a headache. The last time I felt this was when I was still with my previous work. I never thought I would feel it again. And I did. The good thing is that I don't feel lost this time, as I did before. On the contrary, I feel really good. I feel alive again.

But ofcourse, there's still tomorrow.

and i mean love

2009-04-13T06:17:00.007+08:00

Every time I look at M's eyes, I can't help but smile and fall in love even more. M just has this power (or whatever you call it) that weakens me. Everytime. So I guess it is really love I am feeling. I am still trying to think that it's not, and obviously, I am not so successful in doing so. Now M is seated a few bays away from me and I am having a hard time concentrating. I am losing my focus.

On a completely different note, I am so fucking in love with Amy Winehouse's Take the box. For me, it is the best break up song. Ever. But I may not have totally understood what Amy has in mind when she sang it. So I can't really be sure that it is a break up song. Anyway, it is so genuine. It is indeed true that when Amy sings about love, she means every word she sings. And I love her for that. No matter how fucked up her life has become, she has it with her.

(See her live performance of the said song at BBC One Sessions on YouTube and feel her)

when it hurts so bad

2009-03-22T10:18:00.006+08:00

So I am inlove. For the nth time. I'm trying to think that it's something else; something that could be mistaken as love but, in reality, is nothing in comparison with the said emotion. Ofcourse I was just hoping. The truth is I am really in love. Or atleast it feels like I am.

Normally, one becomes inspired when inlove. He or she tends to see only the beauty of a bad day, the light in the darkness. They tend to be manipulated by that strong emotion that they only see the other side of things.

Ofcourse this does not happen to me. I tend to feel otherwise. I tend to feel depressed. I feel like I shouldn't feel the love in the first place; that I am feeling the wrong kind of love for the wrong person. Most of the time, I try to just end the feeling, and most often than not, I fail in doing so. My friends would advise me to just let it be, to just feel it and get along with it. This way, it wouldn't hurt as bad, and wouldn't be as difficult to deal with. Those are just words, ofcourse. We all know that things are easier said than done. Experience taught us this. All the time.

And although I don't like the feeling of being inlove, and that I am very vocal on how much I want to stop it whenever I feel it, deep inside, and I am very certain about this, I want it. Because in all honesty, when it hurt so bad, sometimes, it really feels so good.

that road

2009-03-14T22:49:00.003+08:00

Last month, I forced Nelmar, a friend of mine, to watch Revolutionary Road once it becomes available on the big screen here in the city. We both have seen the movie through our so called resources. I loved it right away on first viewing, and I was confident it would win major awards. Nelmar loved it, too, but not as much as I did. I wanted to still see it on the big screen because I thought it would be a totally different experience.

And it was. It was amazing. I loved it even more. (As a matter of fact, I am considering it to be my new number one. But there's Frost/Nixon, and not to mention my old favorites, so I am trying not to think so much about it. ) I am glad that Nelmar loved it more than he did the first time he had seen the film.

What is so great about the film is that it doesn't care about its audience. It is there to tell. It is almost a feel good not feel good film. I know it sounds crazy and confusing, but you probably get the idea. It is honest.

Funny how we think how a thing can be so beautiful without truly, in a sense, understanding it.

like mr. taxi driver

2009-03-12T19:52:00.004+08:00

In Closer (which is, by the way, a great film), the beautiful Portman was photographed by Roberts. In one of the scenes, where a photo exhibit was held, Roberts' boyfriend asked Portman what she thinks of the photograph, her own. Portman told him that it was a lie; that it was a sad person photographed beautifully so that people can consider it art.

She has a point. What she didn't realize was that not everyone shares her views on art. That there are people who find the subject, that is the picture, beautiful not because it was taken with such artistry, but because the loneliness or sadness itself was captured. The truth, and its true essence, was captured.

This is the main reason why I love dark films, like Apocalypse Now, No Country For Old Men and the likes. Because sometimes, no matter how hard I try to see the beauty of every thing, I can't help but notice the ugliness and smell the filth of this so called life.

don't want to be in there

2009-03-09T06:12:00.003+08:00

I have just finished reading David Foster Wallace's Wiggle Room. After reading the short story, which was featured in The New Yorker, I suddenly felt that familiar feeling. The feeling that always makes me feel sick. Not sick sick, but sick in a whole different sense. One that is far worse than being sick sick. And everytime I feel this way, I do not want to do anything but be home, and spend the rest of the day on my bed. Doing nothing. Not even thinking.

But I am not really sure if it was the story that bugs me. Maybe I'm just broken hearted. No one can be so certain about it. Not even myself. I'm not even sure if I am in love.

when love strikes

2009-02-28T09:53:00.003+08:00

A few months ago (Wait, is it months already?) a friend of mine, a girl, was hurting because her boyfriend was abusing her. And with that I mean physically, mentally and emotionally. I was glad she decided to leave that poor bastard, although I know, deep in my heart, that it was very difficult for her. Now, she is hurting because she learned, through friendster, that the asshole has a new girlfriend. I keep on telling her that I am glad that happened. I would tell her that he doesn't deserve her. I would tell her that it would all be okay comes the time, and to just let herself feel whatever it is she's feeling right now. A time will come when she would get tired of all the hurt, and realize that it not worth it, afterall.

But I know that whatever I say, whatever argument I'd tell her, it's all useless. Because it is love we're talking about. She loves him. Reasons are nothing in love. And I know it.

her hotness, and spain

2009-02-24T07:47:00.002+08:00

I was surfing the net last night when I suddenly thought of her hotness, Scarlett Johansson. Then I youtubed her Vicky Cristina Barcelona. I fell in love to its trailer right away that I felt the need to see it on the big screen right there and then. But since I am a little short as of the moment, I decided to just play the trailer non stop. Literally.

Did her hotness and Penolope really make out in the film? I will not be able to stand the scene if they did. It is too hot to handle. Just the thought of her hotness makes me a man. I wouldn't probably notice Javier (Let's keep it on the a first name basis way, your hotness, too?!) even if he stripped naked in the film. Okay. I may notice him, but not that much.

Killing Them Not So Softly

2008-10-24T23:26:00.002+08:00

I hate a lot of people. Sometimes I'm thinking of just strangling them until they die. But that would require effort. I don't have the time and strength for that. Maybe I'll just kill them here, in my mind.

In Your Atmosphere

2008-10-23T20:37:00.004+08:00

If hotness has another name, John Mayer would probably be it. As a matter of fact he's so hot I'm melting. And I don't just mean physically. He writes music too, and sings them in a way that you'd find it hard not to listen to him. But I really mean physically.

So Often

2008-10-14T21:55:00.002+08:00

Don't have anything interesting in mind to write about but the 'urge' to write is too much to ignore. So here I am, typing.

An Important Film

2008-10-13T17:22:00.010+08:00

I watched Traffic again last night, and it is, by the way, my new number one movie. It talks about drug trafficking between the U.S. and Mexico. It also shows us how the 'traffic' affects so many lives, especially that of the youth. We also witness corruption that in a way strenghten the 'traffic'.

Somewhere in the middle part of the film, we see Javier Rodriguez (played by the great Benicio Del Toro), a police officer in Mexico, talking with two agents from the U.S on how they can work to eliminate the 'traffic between the two countries. One of the agents tells Rodriguez that they pay for the information he can provide them, and asks if it is what he wanted, the money. Rodriguez asks them then if they like baseball, which they both say yes to. "We need lights for the parks, so kids can play at night. So they can play baseball. So they don't become burros para los malones. Everyone likes baseball. Everyone likes parks," he then said. And in the last shot of the film, we see kids playing baseball. Then we hear applause. There is Rodriguez, among others who are watching the game, clapping. He seems content, happy. In his point of view, we see, again, the kids playing baseball in the field, with lights. It may seem just an ordinary shot for others, but not for me. It is so beautiful it makes me cry.

And with that alone, the movie has shown it all. If God has seen that scene, He would have been very proud he might cry.

Yeah, It's Human Nature

2008-10-13T16:35:00.003+08:00

Anybody who knows me well enough does have an idea how addicted I am with movies. I have seen quite a few, and some of these films I've seen for as many times one can only imagine. It is through watching movies, aside from reading literature and listening to music, that I'm able to reach nirvana. And it is a dream of mine to be able to create my own masterpiece comes my own time. I hope I'll be able to do that. I'm a bit skeptical with my future, though, considering the rate of how things are going on so far in this little world of mine. But as a man that I am, I still dare to dream. Dreaming keeps me alive. Let's just call it "human nature."

Anyway I don't mean to talk about myself. I've been meaning to talk about my new number one movie of all time. Maybe I'll just do it next time.

Horses In Cold Blood

2008-10-09T22:54:00.006+08:00

So okay, I'm not exactly back. I still find writing hard. Sometimes it gets boring, too. But most of the time it's hard. At least for me it is. I could have written thousands of stories and essays already. Only I don't have the talent. Or the voice. All I have is experience. Not in writing though. I mean, experience that would look great in print.

*****
Tonight, I am proud to announce that I have finished reading All The Pretty Horses (McCarthy) and In Clood Blood (Capote). Finally. Because mind you, I have been reading these books since, I can't recall anymore, time immemorial. (Is the sentence even correct?) I have always loved McCarthy. He has written my favorite novel of all time: The Road. Pretty Horses would normally appear boring, but McCarthy is such a genius you'd think he's god. And of course there's Capote. It has been said, or written, that this book, Blood, destroyed him. Not that the book is bad (As a matter of fact, it's one of the best I've read in my entire "reading" career). Just watch Capote because only by watching it, I think, you'd be able to understand the fuck I'm writing about. And that ending, oh.

Another One Of These

2008-09-20T15:42:00.002+08:00

So I erased my multiply account. I cancelled my friendster account as well. I stopped blogging with wordpress. This is what happens when I find myself.

And I am back.

1984

2008-03-26T05:43:00.002+08:00

read george orwell's 1984 and be stunned [wink]. it is powerful [as angus described it].

elephant

2008-03-19T13:18:00.001+08:00

Elephant is such a great film. Gus Van Sant is such a great writer and director. And Ludwig van Beethoven, ah, is heaven.

back to BSB

2008-03-16T22:12:00.002+08:00

I'm starting to love Backstreet Boys. Again. I used to love them way back in HS. Their Never Gone album is just wonderful.

pause.breath

2008-03-16T22:06:00.002+08:00

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford is, yes, a very long title for a film. But it's forgivable. Why? Because it's awesome. This is from someone who hates Brad Pitt.

little children

2008-03-04T08:35:00.002+08:00

It's not as great as In The Bedroom but it got something huge to offer. I'm not quite sure what that something is right now but trust me, it's something beautiful.

This is another film from the genius Todd Field.

politics vs. politics

2008-03-02T19:12:00.002+08:00

Lozada should be cast in abs-cbn's Maging Sino Ka Man. He is that good. But then again, it wouldn't do the show any good.

They said they just want to know the truth. Is it the truth they really want or the kind of truth they already have in mind. And they said they want change. Isn't it what we've been doing and getting for the past years? I hate history [the subject], but at this point in time, it can be a very helpful reminder.

and there's a winner

2008-02-26T07:04:00.005+08:00

I'm happy that No Country For Old Men won Best Picture in Oscars. But I can't be that happy because There Will Be Blood didn't.

No Country, for me, is so McCarthy. Simple but intelligent. Blood, on the other hand, is, and will always be, a masterpiece.

*******

Pulp Fiction is cool, but is it that beautiful? Almost. It's fun though.

hot spy, and the debater

2008-02-24T05:56:00.004+08:00

ALIAS is still hot. And so as Jennifer Garner.

Rocket Science, a movie by the 2007 Sundance Best Director Jeffrey Blitz, is really good. And just like any great film, it leaves you something [not just laughter]. I owe this movie a lot. I couldn't remember the last time I laughed so hard I couldn't breath anymore. This movie reminds me of that. And I kind of miss it.

my oscars goes to...

2008-02-23T14:38:00.003+08:00

Best motion picture of the year:

"Atonement" (Focus Features)
"Juno" (A Mandate Pictures/Mr. Mudd Production)
"Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.)
"No Country for Old Men" (Miramax and Paramount Vantage)
"There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax)

****** I hope Blood wins. If not, I hope they give it to No Country. Clayton? Are you serious? It isn't even close to Persepolis [which is an animated film]. If Blood or No Country can't win, can they [voters] just not give the award at all?

Performance by an actor in a leading role:
George Clooney in "Michael Clayton"
Daniel Day-Lewis in "There Will Be Blood"
Johnny Depp in "Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street"
Tommy Lee Jones in "In the Valley of Elah"
Viggo Mortensen in "Eastern Promises"

****** I'm sure Day-Lewis will win. Viggo is my second choice [and I love him in Eastern.

Performance by an actress in a leading role:
Cate Blanchett in "Elizabeth: The Golden Age"
Julie Christie in "Away from Her"
Marion Cotillard in "La Vie en Rose"
Laura Linney in "The Savages"
Ellen Page in "Juno"

****** Haven't seen Away From Her, La Vie en Rose and The Savages. Give it to Page for a change. I'm forever inlove with Blanchett though. Can I marry her?

Performance by an actor in a supporting role:
Casey Affleck in "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford"
Javier Bardem in "No Country for Old Men"
Philip Seymour Hoffman in "Charlie Wilson's War"
Hal Holbrook in "Into the Wild"
Tom Wilkinson in "Michael Clayton"

****** Have seen Into The Wild and Assassination of Jesse James. Bardem is really good [and irritating] in No Country, but Hoffman is witty and superb in Wilson's War. Go Capote!

Performance by an actress in a supporting role:
Cate Blanchett in "I'm Not There"
Ruby Dee in "American Gangster"
Saoirse Ronan in "Atonement"
Amy Ryan in "Gone Baby Gone"
Tilda Swinton in "Michael Clayton"

******This is really a competition. I love Dee in Gangster, but only Blanchett can do Dylan.

Achievement in directing:
"The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" Julian Schnabel
"Juno" Jason Reitman
"Michael Clayton" Tony Gilroy
"No Country for Old Men" Joel Coen and Ethan Coen
"There Will Be Blood" Paul Thomas Anderson

****** The Coens might take home the award, or even Schnabel but Anderson created a masterpiece [and I love him]. David Cronenberg [Eastern Promises] should be on the list.

Achievement in cinematography:
"The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford" Roger Deakins
"Atonement" : Seamus McGarvey
"The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" Janusz Kaminski
"No Country for Old Men" Roger Deakins
"There Will Be Blood" Robert Elswit

****** Elswit!!!! camera work, angle, lighting.. wow.

Adapted screenplay:
"Atonement" (Focus Features), Screenplay by Christopher Hampton
"Away from Her" (Lionsgate), Written by Sarah Polley
"The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" (Miramax/Pathé Renn), Screenplay by Ronald Harwood
"No Country for Old Men" (Miramax and Paramount Vantage), Written for the screen by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen
"There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax), Written for the screen by Paul Thomas Anderson

****** Havent seen The Diving Bell [It's in French]. Blood, I hope, will win.

Original screenplay:
"Juno" (A Mandate Pictures/Mr. Mudd Production), Written by Diablo Cody
"Lars and the Real Girl" (MGM), Written by Nancy Oliver
"Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.), Written by Tony Gilroy
"Ratatouille" (Walt Disney), Screenplay by Brad Bird; Story by Jan Pinkava, Jim Capobianco, Brad Bird
"The Savages" (Fox Searchlight), Written by Tamara Jenkins

****** Haven't seen The Savages. Cody speaks my language.

Best foreign language film of the year:
"Beaufort" Israel
"The Counterfeiters" Austria
"Katyn" Poland
"Mongol" Kazakhstan
"12" Russia

****** I know, I know, Diving Bell isn't France official entry [It should be in the best pic category]. And yes I haven't seen it yet. But if you've seen Clayton, you think of the others which could have taken its spot. Juno is great but I don't think it should be in the best pic race as well. And what happened to 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days [Romania]!? Persepolis [France] should have been included here and not in best animated film. It's that good. So I don't care whoever wins this one.

Best animated feature film of the year:
"Persepolis" (Sony Pictures Classics): Marjane Satrapi and Vincent Paronnaud
"Ratatouille" (Walt Disney): Brad Bird
"Surf's Up" (Sony Pictures Releasing): Ash Brannon and Chris Buck

****** Come'on, give Persepolis what is due for it. It's even better than Clayton. I wouldn't mind if this wins the Best Pic Award. It's that good.

I hope Blood takes home everything.

truth hurts, and is scary

2008-02-22T14:37:00.002+08:00

Please watch An Inconvenient Truth, and then think. Then act.

let's save the light

2008-02-21T04:46:00.002+08:00

If you have to die right now, and you really need to read one novel before dying, please make it The Road by Cormac McCarthy. Please. Time is running out, atleast do something worthy while you still have some.

And you really don't have to die though before you read this novel. It is beautiful. And more.

'I drink your milkshake!'

2008-02-20T04:15:00.003+08:00

Nobody can deliver this line with such intensity, in a super huge movie, than Daniel Day-Lewis. It makes me wanna consider milkshake, but I'm scared he'll drink it up.

the other

2008-02-18T06:01:00.003+08:00

I like blogging with wordpress better.

touch my body

2008-02-17T16:19:00.002+08:00

Oh, I don't mean it that way. Just found out that Mariah Carey has a new album, and Touch my Body is her new single. I love it.

greatest novel

2008-02-17T04:01:00.002+08:00

Cormac McCarthy's The Road. Hand him the Nobel. Pulitzer just isn't enough.

greatest movie

2008-02-17T04:00:00.004+08:00

There Will Be Blood. Wow! And there's Daniel Day-Lewis. Wow! Hope it wins the Oscars. It deserves it, but we can never tell.

No Country For Old Men comes next.

atonement won BAFTA's best film

2008-02-17T03:57:00.002+08:00

Whatever.

lesson 102

2008-02-13T02:39:00.000+08:00

a man knows when to stop.

everything.

2008-02-04T23:29:00.001+08:00

My phone's camera isn't the best but I admire how much beauty it can capture.

I miss and love you baby, even if you're giving me headaches sometimes.

the others

2008-02-03T22:35:00.001+08:00

02-03-08 nobody

02-03-08 Rose

2007 vase
I made this last year with Paint. God, I miss me.

deja vu, but not really

2008-02-02T22:38:00.000+08:00

I was looking for pirated dvd copies of The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, Persepolis (of France) and 4Months, 3 Weeks and 2 days (of Romania) last Friday night at this small stall near the building where I work at. Unfortunately, the said movies were not yet available. So I opted to TV series. I was very lucky, and very happy, to have found a season 1 copy of one of my favorite series of all time: Felicity. So that same night ('til Saturday morning) I watched it. I've realized how much I miss Felicity, and even Ben and Noel, and I'm reminded of how much I love it after watching its first 22 episodes. I was very young then when I first saw the series. I felt inlove with it right away. Now that I'm old enough, I still love it. I guess my heart never really grew old, if you get what I mean.

Anyway, the reason why I love Felicity is the fact that I can relate to it- with the story and the characters. It's nice (and I feel great) to see someone go through the same things (situations/ fuck ups) I did or I'm going through right now and commit the same mistakes I have committed (and learned from it). The idea made me feel I'm not alone, you know. And it's cool.

bad hairday

2008-02-01T10:06:00.000+08:00

I had my hair done last night in one of the barber shops near our apartment. You see, my hair has its own life. It grows in a way it sees fit. It's uncontrolable. Funny thing is that the barber kept on asking me what I would want him to do with it (the hair). It's as if he didn't have any idea, and was propably thinking that nothing can save me from it (the hair). So I told him what I wanted (how I wanted it to be). While he was doing my hair, I can see, on the look on his face, that he was having a hard time, and that he's a bit skeptical about the whole thing. It scared me.

Now I look like (or my hair looks like that of) Javier Bardem in the movie No Country for Old Men (only mine is worse).

lit 104

2008-01-28T21:04:00.000+08:00

I Am Not There
The Inconsistent

Take that pen and write
For you have the hands of a writer

Go tell your story and that of others
That I, and them, may find comfort from it

Then don't forget to write for me
Because I- even with a story to tell-
Unlike you, is not a storyteller

I may have your heart,
But never your hands.

ennis

2008-01-23T20:20:00.000+08:00

You broke my heart once. You broke it again. You'll be missed.

bloody II

2008-01-21T22:04:00.000+08:00

There Will Be Blood.

Oh my God. Oh my God. The experience of watching this huge film is breathtaking. It's like seeing God descends from heaven with His angels while satan and his pack are waiting on earth for the final battle. It felt like the 'end'.

Oh my God.

*******

This is one of my favorite reviews for the film by MaryAnn Johanson.

"...There Will Be Blood slaps you in the face. It’s Joe Pesci in GoodFellas raging, “Do I amuse you? Do I entertain you?” in that way that suggests that it could not give two figs what you think of it. It says, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing, sitting there in the theater?” Blood is not contemptuous of you -- it just doesn’t care what you think about it. It is not there for you, for your amusement, for your entertainment. It is there for itself. It is a found object that might well have sprung in its entirety out of the subatomic froth of the universe. In the superbly philosophical vernacular of the moment that encompasses all the randomness of the world into a whaddaya-gonna-do shrug, it is what it is. "

So true.

jun-awe-some

2008-01-16T07:21:00.000+08:00

Juno is fun (thanks to the superb screenplay by Diablo Cody) and at the same time, touching and sincere. It's definitely a feel-good movie, and more. It has a heart, a huge one, and it beats beautifully. I can't help but fall inlove with it. I watched it on mute (because I'm at work) yesterday- that's after I have read the script. Some may call it craziness (I mean, me, watching the movie on mute). I call it experience and pure pleasure.

fourth of july

2008-01-13T23:01:00.000+08:00

I really thought I would not be able to bring myself back to reading again. I have been busy, very busy, that is, with watching movies (old and new ones) that the thought (or even an attempt) of spending a few hours or even minutes with books (reading) had already seemed almost impossible. But since it felt like I have already watched all the movies there are worthy to be watched, and that I've been reading this Independence Day, on and off, by Richard Ford, for months now (which I realized wasn't a good sign), I decided, finally, last night, to give it another try (just finished reading it this morning). And I believe I have made the right decision.

I admired how Richard Ford depicted American life through the struggle of one of the most unforgettable characters in American Fiction, Frank Bascombe. I have learned to love and respect Frank (and also Ford) since his sportswriting days (read The Sportswriter by the same author, which is the prequel of Independence Day). I think I, in more ways than one, can relate with Frank's character. And I think this is the reason why I love the book and the character. For one to be able to really know Frank though, and to realize how good a writer Ford is, one needs to read both novels mentioned above. Independence Day is now one of my favorite books and Richard Ford, one of my favorite writers.

The book, Independence Day, won the Pulitzer Prize for Literature in 1996.

Ford, and his talent for writing, will make you realize how good writing and a writer can become. I think I love him na.

lesson 101

2008-01-09T23:44:00.000+08:00

The worst thing about having a job is having one that takes all the sanity in you. I'm talking about the kind of job some people would consider better than other jobs available for grab until they experience it themselves; I'm talking about the kind of job I have.

To be quite honest, being a call center whore (Technical Support Representative) isn't the hardest job there is. It isn't hard at all in the first place. But it isn't something I love doing. Imagine, I have been in this job for more than a year. It's like committing suicide, I mean being in this job this long, except that it doesn't kill me, literally. It's killing me in a different way; in a way I'd rather not go through, if I really have a choice. So why stick with this job, right? Well, what else can I have? I can't choose now. There are no choices available anyway. In a country such as ours, one needs to have a college degree for him/her to get a job he/she really wants. And just as fucked as life can be, sometimes, one, even with a college diploma, end up working in fast food chains and call centers. I don't have anything against these people though (hey, I'm one of them.) If they're happy with what they are doing, I'm happy for them. It's just that I think they deserve something better.

I may be earning 'enough'; I may be able to provide for my family and buy things for myself, but I'm losing a part of me. A big part of me. In times like this, I have realized that money isn't really everything; Happiness and contentment are. And being able to still have respect to your own self isn't something money can buy.

So if you happen to read this, try to do things that makes you happy. I don't mean things that you 'think' can make you happy, okay? If you really have to find a high paying job, then do it. Just don't turn yourself back from that very thing that keeps you complete, and that which makes you YOU.

the list

2008-01-09T06:35:00.000+08:00

I wanted to write something interesting but I couldn't think of a topic. And since I have already become a movie addict (and I'm happy with it), I thought of coming up with a list of movies I've seen last year (or should I say, movies released last year- 2007 - that I happened to have watched, regardless the year; ones seen this year), and which I loved.

Here's the List:

There Will Be Blood (seen Jan 21)
3:10 to Yuma
No Country for Old Men
Eastern Promises
Charlie Wilson's War (seen Jan 10)
Juno (seen Jan 16)
Gone Baby Gone
Once
Atonement
Before the Devil Knows You're Dead
We Own the Night
Lust, Caution
Knocked Up
Superbad
The Namesake
American Gangster
I'm Not There
Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (seen Jan 17)

*******

Some of the movies included on the list haven't been shown here yet, but I have my resources, you know. I'm still looking forward to seeing There Will Be Blood and a whole lot more (4 Months 3 Weeks And 2 Days, The Diving Bell And The Butterfly, Away From Her, Juno, etc.) If there's one thing I hate about living in this country, it's the fact that it takes months before movies get shown here from their released date. You end up watching movies like Katas ng Saudi and Anak ni Kumander. But I chose to live and not kill myself by not watching these crap.

typing 101

2008-01-07T05:51:00.000+08:00

What can be more beautiful than a romantic love story is another love story. A love story that is not determined by how much the other party makes you feel nervous, intoxicated and a little high at times (a mixture of these and some others); of how much a person can make you heart go to a series of never ending thud, thud, thud (...it goes on and on.) The kind of love story I'm referring here is similar to that of what friends share, that of a father and his kid/s have - these sort of things. And I'm not at all talking about sexual relationship or incest here, okay? It's a whole lot different from what I have been meaning to write about, for crying out loud.

What makes this kind of love story better than that mentioned above is the fact that it does not consider looks (you're an asshole if you're looking for a good-looking friend) as one of the fundamentals of the relationship (and a factor to get into a relationship with someone.) So you can consider it pure and, at the same time, real.

What am I trying to say (write) here? I don't know. Maybe none, really. I just feel like typing.

long and winding, indeed

2008-01-06T19:02:00.000+08:00

This is my favorite song, ever. This applies to almost every aspect of my life: to writing, to those assholes, who, apparently, just came to my life to teach me something (and sadly, they meant just to teach), and to Him.

It's hard when you're in a situation that the very thing you can't do is to turn away. You can, and the hurting would stop. Only that, in truth, it wouldn't. And you know that, has always known that. So you end up taking that road, traveling it, hoping that someday, you'll get there.

******

I heard Regine was sick when she did this. I'm glad she was. It made the song sound heartfelt. She made herself sound like she's not her. And it worked beautifully.

pre-work exercise

2008-01-06T02:47:00.000+08:00

Last night, before heading back to Manila for work, I went to my old [former] school (not that I'm in a new one right now) with one of my closest friends, Angus. It was the Ikatlong Gawad Digmaang Rosas Literary Awards Night (organized by The Angelite, the official student publication of Holy Angel University. ) My friend Angus had submitted an entry to the said competition. I came there to give him moral support.

As expected, he grabbed the Angelite Fictionist of the Year award (The entries were judged by a Palanca-winner poet from UST.) I am very proud of him, and am happy that he won. This is the second time he had won the award. I had the opportunity of being one the first people to have read his entries (short stories and poems.) When I laid eyes on his works, I knew right away that he would win; I was certain about it.

Some say that it takes a writer to know one. I say, not really. One doesn't have to be a good writer to recognize one, and to be able to appreciate what we consider as good writing.

*******

Congratulations Angs! You so deserve it. Keep on writing.

sinister

2008-01-02T18:07:00.000+08:00

Samples of Greenwood's original music for There Will Be Blood:

To check out the other two, try this link. My favorite (Future Market) is there.

another year

2008-01-01T17:52:00.000+08:00

Time is running so fast that all we can do is watch it pass through us.

bloody

2007-12-31T04:52:00.000+08:00

I hope the movie won't disappoint me. I'm really expecting a lot from it, although I'm really trying not to.

The movie was written (for the screen) and directed by Paul Thomas Anderson, and was based on the first part of Upton Sinclair's novel Oil! (1927). Original music was by Jonny Greenwood (Radiohead). I heard a little of it (music/score) and I became an admirer right away. The music/score is so sick, and I love it. It makes me sick. This is a compliment, ofcourse. A big one. When I found out that Greenwood (or his original composition for the film) was not nominated for Best Original Score for next year's Golden Globes, I asked my self, Why? The movie stars Daniel Day-Lewis, Paul Dano, Kevin J. O'Connor, Ciaran Hinds, Dillon Freasier. I admire Day-Lewis, especially after seeing him in The Gangs of New York. He had been nominated a couple of times for Oscars, and had won the Best Actor award for his portrayal in My Left Foot.

The movie was presented by Paramount Vantage and Miramax Films (well, what's new?). There Will Be Blood will, I can feel it, be my movie this year (the movie will be shown here not until next year though.) And yes, certainly, There Will Be Blood comes the time.

just once?

2007-12-28T16:24:00.000+08:00

Music can act. Watch Once, one of my favorite films, to know how. But it's not just the music that makes this movie engaging, blame it to its very simple yet beautiful story and its naturally gifted actors. The movie is a natural. It makes me feel guilty of watching it in pirated copy. I'm not sure if this had been shown here already. If not yet, then I'll certainly watch it again, and I'll buy a dvd of it- by that time, an original- once it becomes available.

I consider this movie special because before I became a movie and book addict, I was a music lover. I thought I have forgotten it, but I guess first love, really, never dies. You just need to be reminded of it once in awhile to know that it really doesn't.

Tagline: How often do you find the right person? ONCE

So it's really up to us, huh? Sigh.

dust to oscars

2007-12-25T04:53:00.000+08:00

I shouldn't be doing this because I have promised myself to only write about sensible stuff from now on. But I can't help it. After re-watching it yesterday, I can't seem to get 3:10 to Yuma out of my mind, and heart too. If you have fallen inlove before, you would certainly understand me. It's awesome and fucking beautiful. And it's my new favorite (But there's still There Will Be Blood).

The movie evolved with Dan Evans (Christian Bale), a struggling farmer who will be forced to leave his house and land if he will not be able to pay his debt (with this guy whose name I have forgotten), and the outlaw Ben Wade (Russel Crowe), who is referred as boss by his men and who needed to be taken to Yuma to be trialled and hanged. Dan, desperate to fight for what is due for him and for his wife and two sons, volunteered to accompany the other guys (don't mind them; watch the movie to get to know them better) to get Ben to a 3:10 to Yuma train for $200. That evening, the group had supper in Dan's house, where Ben met Dan's family. Later that night Dan's older son Will (Logan Lerman) followed the guys to where they were heading, despite his father's will not to. Along the way, lives have been lost and characters have been unfolded. Ben has been persuading Dan to set him free for a $1000, a larger amount than what was offered to Dan for taking him to the train station. Dan, being a man he is, decent and principled, refused the offer, though you can tell he was thinking about it. Along the way, respect has been earned (this applies to all). In an unfortunate event, Ben's men were able to follow Dan's pack in the town where they stayed for awhile, waiting for the train to arrive. Now, these men, Ben's men, were like animals. They were ready to kill and die whenever necessary, especially for their boss. Ben warned Dan about this. Dan was very firm with his decision to get Ben on the train, that he was still willing to do it inspite being offered by the man who will be paying him for this job even if he decides to walk away, and even if his son persuaded him that it was the safest choice he needed to choose. So came the time when the 3:10 to Yuma train arrived. Bullets and blood flooded, lives ended and respect, once again, was earned.

Writing on how the story ended would just spoil the whole essence of the movie and may just take away your want to see it, so I'll not go there. Rest assured that it ended beautifully.

What I like about this movie is that fact that it made me appreciate its genre, which normally I wouldn't like. I also admired how the movie depicts the idea that inspite of the world's harshness, one can still live as a better person and respectable life and that there's goodness in each and everyone of us, whether you're a criminal or a saint. It's unfortunate though that our being bad, most of the time, overshadows that goodness in us.

And sometimes, we really have to know the person to really know him/her. First impression doesn't work all the time.

whine up

2007-12-24T05:39:00.000+08:00

I was born a whiner. I complain a lot. Sometimes I just keep it to myself, the whining. It's not that I am afraid people will hate me for it, it's because I find it a bit tiring already. Most of the time I feel so fucked up by life that all I can do is just let it fuck me some more, I end up enjoying it. But really, if you think about it, I'm not the only one in this world whose life has been a mess since the very day of existence. There are those who had endured much than I have. There are those who were deprived of education, a home, a right, love or even parents. Yet, inspite of these, I still have the nerve to complain about my own life. Only this time I not only complain about mine but those of others as well. This is how life humors me.

for You

2007-12-18T15:33:00.000+08:00

The Long and Winding Road
The Beatles

The long and winding road
That leads to your door
Will never disappear
I've seen that road before
It always leads me here
Lead me to you door

The wild and windy night
That the rain washed away
Has left a pool of tears
Crying for the day
Why leave me standing here
Let me know the way

Many times I've been alone
And many times I've cried
Any way you'll never know
The many ways I've tried
But still they lead me back

To the long winding road
You left me standing here
A long long time ago
Don't leave me waiting here
Lead me to your door
But still they lead me back

To the long winding road
You left me standing here
A long long time ago
Don't leave me waiting here

Lead me to your door...

that thing

2007-12-17T18:38:00.000+08:00

I am inlove. Not exactly inlove with a person though. I think (or feel) I'm inlove with the idea of falling inlove, of being inlove. Do you get what I mean? I guess this is one gets from watching a lot of romantic films, just like what I've been doing lately. I even bought a 20-in-1 DVD of the biggest romantic movies. It's pirated, ofcourse. I've seen Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, Sense and Sensibility, Four weddings and a Funeral and yes, even My Best friend's Wedding. I must admit that I had a great time watching these movies, especially the first two. I even bought original copies of both. And I feel so fucking blessed to have been given the opportunity of watching these movies.

I thought I have given up the idea of, you know, us, at some point in time, being able to find that one person we will love for the rest of our lives- our soulmates; the one born for us and we were born for- the person that will complete us. I thought that after all the heartbreak I had been through, this idea would, and will forever remain, just be an idea.

And then I have watched these said films. Now I worry. What if that really how it goes? What if you are really meant to meet that one person who will hold your heart forever? And after all this sabbatical years you had yourself believed that none of this is true, you actually have met that person along the way. Since you have never expected for that person, and you don't believe that such a magic exists, you have ofcourse never realized that he or she is the one for you (I really hope I am making myself clear on this). The saddest part is the idea that you were meant to meet that time, and that time should have been it; that it's your one and only chance and you just blew it away. Just like that.

Then you end up being married to someone else. You know you love him or her, but you realize that there's something missing. And the shitty part is that you wouldn't be able to figure out what it is that's missing. Or probably you would. But what's the point, right? It's too late. Well, you'd tell yourself, what the fuck. I know I love this person I married. I can live with this (the situation). We have wonderful kids (if you already have any). I have a wonderful job (if you have any). And that missing thing is just bullshit. You have decided to love that person. Afterall, love is a decision (My bestfriend, and ex-girlfriend, told me this. I don't really believe it though.) But then again, you still feel it- that missing part of you. You thought you had yourself fooled but you thought wrong. What else can you do, huh? What else can you do?

Okay, I'll end this now. I'm not really sure if I am able to capture what it is I want to capture. I'm not good in writing, you know. This I have already accepted. But I just feel like I have to write about this. Actually, the truth is that I feel something I can't handle. So here I am, trying to get away from it (by writing). And no, I don't exactly know what it is I am feeling.

I guess this is one gets from watching a lot of romantic films, just like what I've been doing lately.

youtube-ing

2007-12-13T10:51:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I bought 3 pirated DVDs (Knocked Up, The Devil Wears Prada and Little Miss Sunshine) and 2 originals (Brokeback Mountain and Schindler's List). And I have finished watching those in less than 24 hours. It makes me proud. Now, expect the worst from me, because I'll certainly write something about each film (except Brokeback, because it had been done already). This time though, I'll not only write how beautiful I find the movie but the things I'll learn from the experience of watching it. I would want to start now, but I can't. Mariah Carey's version of one of my favorite songs is playing: You and I by Stevie Wonder. I not only cry and shudder when I see pure talent, I also do when I hear one.

possession

2007-12-11T01:49:00.000+08:00

Since I realized I've become addicted to movies lately, and actually like the feeling of it, I decided to buy myself a portable DVD player. This would certainly prevent me from overbuying books (I have 14 books I bought that I haven't read yet) and getting enough sleep.

westernized

2007-12-10T14:56:00.000+08:00

Another Oscars-worthy: 3:10 to Yuma. Beautiful. A must see. Russel Crowe and Christian Bale were amazing in this movie, and beautiful too (wink).

But I'm still waiting for There Will Be Blood. Can't wait to see the film, and Daniel Day-Lewis flaunt his stuff. I have a feeling that this movie will make me cry. Not because I think it's so touching (or maybe it is, who knows) but because of Day-Lewis and Paul Dano. I cry and shudder when I see pure talent.

movie and a book

2007-12-07T09:32:00.000+08:00

Have seen Eastern Promises yesterday. The movie promises us simplicity, brilliance, beauty and intelligence. Something I can't really say my all-time favorite, but would certainly recommend to someone, instead of recommending those I consider my favorites. Weird. It is worth your P110, that is if you watch it in SM North Edsa, which is not a good idea.

Just finished reading Strange Pilgrims by the master himself, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, and damn it (excuse me), he really is deserving of that Nobel. Consists of 12 wonderful stories, this book proves Mr. Marquez to be a master of writing.

Q&A

2007-12-06T08:01:00.000+08:00

Me 1: Why the hell write in English if you find it difficult, and you actually think (doesn't mean your not) your not good at it?

Me 2: Because I am worse in Filipino.

Gone Baby Gone

2007-12-05T23:11:00.000+08:00

Gone Baby Gone has gone a long way as far as filmmaking is concerned. As thrilling and haunting as its predecessor Mystic River, if not better, this movie definitely deserves a two thumbs-up, or whatever form of recognition you can give it. Based on the novel of Dennis Lehane, this movie has already proven itself to be one of this year's bests.

Realization/observation(s) while/after watching Gone:

1. Dennis Lehane is a fucking good writer.
2. Ben Affleck is better off as a director, more than anything else.
3. He doesn't look like his brother, Casey Affleck, who acted very well in the film.
4. You can actually smell Oscars while watching it (let's wait and see).
5. That I want, someday, to become a director and make films that will awe, and at the same time, break the audience's heart.

Great story + great acting + how Affleck ended the movie = must see.

the good and bad

2007-12-04T06:43:00.000+08:00

Arrgg.. I haven't gotten myself any sleep since yesterday morning. For this reason, I feel very sleepy right now. I hate it. I hate it because I have to be a blabber at work (you know, call center life), and I am not really that kind, plus I'm really sleepy. I can't wait to go home and just enjoy the comfort of lying down and not think of anything. How lovely it must be.

The reason why I wasn't able to sleep last night was because of my new schedule at work. My shift was moved from 2am to 10:45pm. It isn't really that bad, but I think I'm already used to sleep a little late most nights. And it would certainly take days or weeks for me to be able to adjust with this new change.

On a lighter note, I was able to finish reading two novels last night. Michael Cunningham's The Hours (1998) and Michael Shaara's The Killer Angels (1974). So in a way, I'm still thankful to have not been able to sleep the whole day yesterday.

I have been reading The Killer Angels for months already; I had it since October. I had never read a novel about civil war before, thus I'm not a fan of the genre. The first part was somewhat boring. But how Shaara gave life to the characters in this book made it a good one. The story didn't just concentrate about the war and all the bloody fight stuff, but also with the people who got caught in it- their 'human' qualities. Cunningham's The Hours, on the other hand, is haunting. I have always admired this author, especially after reading his Flesh and Blood (which is very good as well). In The Hours, he interpreted emotions in a way it seems almost real you can actually feel them rather than just being able to read (see) them in print. And this makes the book and the author stand out.

Both novels won the Pulitzer Prize for Literature, by the way.

And I still want to sleep though.

idiot box with morons

2007-12-02T18:58:00.000+08:00

I hate politics and politicking that when I am about to see news with politicians on it, especially someone from the opposition side, I would normally want to throw up. I hate it when they lambast the current administration, as if they have done something worthy themselves. Shame. But worst thing they can do is to display their stupidity on national television. Just like what your Senator Trillanes and his colleague have done just recently. That particular incident when they invaded The Pen (which is in Makati). I understand that you want the government to know how much an unsatisfied citizen and government official you are. But do you really have to take control of the whole hotel - the same thing you did before with another, which is also located in Makati - where there are a lot of people, whose safety might be jeopardized of a possible forced take over of the military of the said building? Did you know that the whole Ayala Ave. has been closed because of what you and your guys did, and the hassle it caused the public? I also understand your hunger for media exposure. Everybody understands that. But if you really hate the President and the people who work for her, hire someone to kill them, because I assure you nothing will happen if you just stick with your stupid tactics. At least you will have a better reason to be jailed by that time, and your superiors might surely become very proud and fond of you, for that matter. Now, about the media exposure thing, why not ask your equally stupid acquaintance, Jamby, to divorce his husband and make sex videos together. That would surely be phenomenal. But is divorce already available here? Is she married in the first place? Or you guys can do it in Luneta, just to add a shade of patriotism to it.

And Senator, being patriotic is different from being moronic. Just a reminder. Although they sound almost alike.

in black and white

2007-11-29T18:22:00.000+08:00

I know I have been writing a lot about movies lately, and as a matter of fact, I have been writing only about movies, and nothing else. And I understand that it can sometimes, if not all the time, be tiring to read same old stuff all over again. But I also know that no one will be tired of reading my same old stuff, because I know very well that nobody reads this. So I'll go ahead and write more about movies then, without worrying about my readers, who don't exist.

As of this very moment, I am watching Good Night, and Good Luck (2005). The movie was directed by George Clooney (and he was also in the movie). I know Clooney as a actor; I'm not a fan, but I can say that he got that it factor in him. I never thought that he can direct such an intense and gripping film as this one. I'm a bit surprised that he also got the eyes of an artist. I won't go into the details of the movie. This is not a movie review anyway. I just feel like I have to write, and let everyone know how good this movie is. It is beautiful. It's colorful despite its being in black and white. Definitely worthy of its oscars nomination.

Another must-see, though it's kinda late already.

movie marathon

2007-11-29T03:57:00.000+08:00

I have recently seen these movies (just this week) :

1. Gladiator (my new favorite) - great acting by Mr. Crowe and Phoenix. Touching at times.
2. American Beauty - This is how cinema should be, always.
3. Braveheart - Mr. Gibson's accent is a turn on.
4. The Godfather II - Al Pacino is reason enough.
5. The Godfather III - A lot have been disappointed with it. I'm not one of them.
6. The Departed - I don't like it but the story is great. And it's a Scorsese film, for crying out loud.

These are beautiful films; film-making at its best. Such a shame it took me years before seeing these beautiful pieces of art.

black space

2007-11-24T10:28:00.000+08:00

This space is for a friend who lost his father just recently.

guns, blood and a skinhead

2007-11-24T04:25:00.000+08:00

First time I've seen it (this is the first movie Ive seen this week; saw it on the 21st), I was disappointed. Maybe because I expected so much from it (plus the fact that I have waited for it since last month) .

After re-watching it yesterday, I found myself respecting it. Maybe because I didn't expect so much this time. hehehe

A second look can really make a difference.

I'll do some re-reading then.

enchanted

2007-11-23T06:10:00.001+08:00

... is, indeed, enchanting. Another must-see. Amy Adams is such a sweetheart. Love it.

crash

2007-11-21T09:35:00.001+08:00

"It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something. "

- opening scene, crash (2004)

I love Brokeback Mountain and it's still my favorite. But i won't argue anymore that Crash, after watching it last monday with my friend Angus, really deserves the Oscars. Written and directed beautifully by Paul Haggis, this movie is a must-see.

it's superbad

2007-11-17T03:13:00.000+08:00

Superbad is super fun.

I didn't really plan to watch this movie, or any movie shown this week, for that matter. But while i was checking Zafra's site yesterday, I thought of giving the movie a chance. In her site, Zafra wrote that if you only have to see one movie this week, make it superbad.

This movie is worth your money and time. It's super fun. But it's also super touching at some point. This movie made me appreciate my friends and the beauty of friendship.

they own the night, big time! II

2007-11-11T16:28:00.000+08:00

After seeing it for the third time, I can say that We Own the Night is one of the best movies this year. And as for me, it's one of the best I have seen in my entire life. If this will not get any Oscars nomination, then it would already be quite obvious that The Academy sucks!

atonement

2007-11-09T04:09:00.000+08:00

I am waiting! I want it NOW!

they own the night, big time!

2007-11-09T02:17:00.000+08:00

I love We Own the Night. And I am surprised to have read negative reviews about the movie, mostly by critics (see: rotten tomatoes' site). But then again, that's their job. They wouldn't be called 'critics' for nothing in the first place. Good thing I followed my instinct and watched the movie yesterday. It would/could have been a great loss on my part had I considered the not-so-good things written about this beautiful film, and not watch it.

Now Joaquin Phoenix has become one of my favorite actors because of this movie.

this is not a movie review

2007-11-05T06:14:00.000+08:00

I am Sam.

This movie made me realized I can still cry like a baby, and that I'm actually still human.

I just happened to watch the movie yesterday, for the first time (shame on me). I think it was shown in 2001; that's six fucking years before I was able to laid eyes on this wonderful, heartwarming film. And if I remember it correctly, I actually planned of seeing it when it first came out. I don't know what happened though or what hinder me from seeing it (six years + memory gap, not suprising). Prior to watching last night, I have heard a lot of good things about it. And i didn't see anything but good in this movie.

I was watching ASAP yesterday. I was planning to do some reading after that but Dodong (housemate) asked me if I wanted to watch a movie (on dvd). I sure did, so I asked him if he has a copy of Crash (Brokeback Mountain should have won the Oscars! hehe) or Cassanova (it's solely for Heath Ledger - one of my favorite actors). It turned out that he doesnt have copy of both. So I thought of something else. He recommended a few, which he happened to have watched already but I heart I am Sam. So we settled with it.

I was literally crying while watching the movie, beginning to end. I don't see anything wrong with crying over a movie though. It's just that I was crying even while watching it with other people. I am an emotional bastard but I'm not the showy type. So it surprised me that I didn't mind crying that time; I didn't mind what Dodong and his sister Beng would think about it. I just wanted to cry so bad, I would die by just merely thinking of holding those tears.

The story is about a mentally-challenged (retarted - mental/intellectual capacity that of a 7 year old kid) father who, inspite his condition, fought for his daughter from being taken away by the Department of Child and Family Services. It's a story of a father who knew little about almost everything, but knows how to love his daughter big time. It pains me to see Sam being hurt, because you see not a man, but a 7 year-old kid being hurt. Sean Penn is such a good actor for having been able to portray the character of Sam beautifully. And I just love Dakota Fanning. She is so adorable. Michelle Pfeiffer did a wonderful job as well.

This is another story that shows the wonders of love. It tells us that love, most often than not, is all we need.

*******
Excerpt from the movie I am Sam (c/o http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0277027/quotes)

Lucy: Daddy, did God made for you to be like this or was it an accident?
Sam: Ok, what do you mean?
Lucy: I mean you're different.
Sam: But what do you mean?
Lucy: You're not like other daddies.
Sam: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry.
Lucy: It's ok, daddy. It's ok. Don't be sorry. I'm lucky. Nobody else's daddy ever comes to the park.
Sam: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah, we are lucky. Aren't we lucky? Yeah!

*******

Lucy: I won't read the word!
Sam: I'm your father and I'm telling you to read the word. Cause I can tell you to because I'm your father.
Lucy: I'm stupid.
Sam: You are not stupid!
Lucy: Yes, I am.
Sam: No, you are not stupid 'cause you can read that word.
Lucy: I don't wanna read it if you can't.
Sam: No, because it makes me happy! It makes me happy hearing you read. Yeah, it makes me happy when you're reading.
Lucy: [Lucy reads again]

*******

conversations II

2007-11-01T10:20:00.000+08:00

Blogging wasn't on my plan for today, except that I don't really have any plans at all to begin with, and I am not the kind who plans things ahead. I would want this day to be peaceful, that I don't want the agony of writing (or thinking of what to write ) to spoil it. I kept myself busy browsing, reading other people's blogs, eating hotdog sandwiches and taking few calls (I work in a call center).

Today, I had my lunch with friends at the pantry (which I don't normally do). We were watching TV while eating (The tv was already on when we went there). The channel was set to ETC and Ambush Makeover was being shown.

While watching TV, a friend asked why is it that nobody's perfect (This had something to do with the program we were watching). I thought of it for awhile, only to realize that I don't exactly know why, and find the question rather difficult. So instead of answering, I asked her a question as well. I asked what perfection is for her (how she defines it). She didn't answer. I didn't know what to answer either if someone would ask me the same question.

I just ended the conversation uttering these exact words: "I think being perfect is imperfection itself."

I don't really know how to explain it (though i can try explaining it, if necessary) but it sounded really good, I admired myself for a second for having said it.

it's a holiday... so?

2007-11-01T06:21:00.000+08:00

Today is a holiday but I am at the office working. What's new, right? This is one of the things I hate about working in a call center. You always work, even on holidays (even on Christmas and New Year). Last year I was very lucky to had been scheduled to report to work on Christmas and New Year's day. The former I have attended. I just pretended to have forgotten I had to report to work for the latter. For that, a memo had been served. I didn't really care. Atleast I enjoyed.