about M.

I have not written anything in here in a long time. Been so into Facebook and Twitter lately, so I sort of not been able to find time to blog. And there's M. The reason why I am so eager to go to work everyday inspite the fact that I despise what I do there. If only I have been able to find the time, I would have written so many entries by now. All about M. That would probably bore others, including myself. But that would be the most honest I can get. Ever. I'm thinking record-breaking.

he can be joker, only he's not funny

I am literally addicted to The Office. In case you haven't heard of it yet (Shame on you. Just kidding), it's an American TV series aired by NBC (I think). It stars Steve Carell as Michael, who is so obnoxious you'd kill yourself whenever he's around. What is so annoying about him is that he doesn't seem to be aware that he is, well, very annoying. He thinks of himself otherwise.

'The office' is in a chaos all the time. All the time. This needs to be emphasized. You have people like Dwight there- who is, by the way, as spiteful as Michael. But there are cute and lovable characters as well like Jim and Pam. I like Toby, too, for reasons still unclear to me. Although 'the office' can be as hell as any other working environment can be, I would love to be in there. I want to be a part of a family of crazy individuals who can sometimes be difficult to deal with. Because in the 'the office', and this is just based on how I feel when watching it, you feel alive. You know that feeling when you think that something bad happens you think ruins everything, by the end of the day, when you're already lying on your bed, you still feel happy and content? I don't know how to explain it. I just feel it sometimes. That's I think how it would feel working there.

And the thing I said (or wrote) about Michael awhile ago is what you'd probably see when you see him. However, there are moments that you would think he knows exactly how obnoxious he is. He is just trying to be likable, and he fails terribly. He is still the best boss in the world for me though, as what we see is printed on his mug

to the Z

I have watched 17 Again again this afternoon. Why? Well, aside from the fact that I do not have anything else to do and that I am bored to death (I am just exaggerating, ofcourse), I do not feel that well. On the inside. I am glad to have seen the movie again. There are moments in there that when you look at Efron and pay very close attention, you'd see not only great talent but sincerity. And it fucking kills me. Seriously.

M.

We were at a coffee shop along Boni Ave., our favorite place. It used to be our favorite place. I am not really in the mood for coffee, but you were very insistent. A frap isn't that bad, I joked.

How are you, I asked.

Fine.

Just fine?

Then I looked at you in the eyes, and I knew right then.

You're not inlove anymore, are you?

I don't know.

You don't know?

I don't know.

Okay.

Okay.

So what now?, I asked.

I don't know.

Okay.

Okay, you said. Then you looked away.

And that was it. Sometimes people fall out of love because they have found someone new to fall inlove with. Sometimes, they get tired of being the only one who loves. And sometimes, they just do. It's the hardest because you can't do anything about it.

i am not there

I am not there
but I see you, I hear you, I feel you.
I am not there
but you are here in my mind, in my heart, in my soul.
I am not there
but you linger in my dreams, in my memory, in my pain.
I am not there.
I am not there.
But I am here loving, living, and waiting.
I am here.
I am ready.
I am here.
Hear.

untitled

It’s already past eight in the evening when he checked the clock that has been hanging on the wall behind the counter where the reservation for billiard tables takes place, and where he had been assigned when he had worked here, while studying at the same time, some two years ago. And if his estimation was correct, he had been here for more than thirty minutes already, waiting for him. He might not be coming afterall, he thought. It’s pretty much what he would have expected, if he was expecting anything at all. But he’ll stay and wait for him here until the place closes. It was his idea to meet him at Enricos’, a place usually frequented by college students after school, and which is usually full on Saturdays that the owner had to make a sign and post it outside the door to let those who were coming in that there’s no more room inside and to just come back later.

Five minutes later Lex arrived, wearing the usual smile he had been known for, the sweet and sincere one, and though this time it seemed unfamiliar to Alan, or distant, or that something felt off with it, he smiled back at him.

I’m glad you made it. I thought you’re not coming, Alan said, holding a can of soda in one hand and a cue stick on the other. Thanks, he continued.

No problemo, Lex replied, grabbing the stick from Alan’s grip. I don’t have anything to do, anyway.

They were childhood friends, Alan and Lex. They are still friends, Alan believed. But it has been a week that they haven’t talk to each other. No phone calls. No nothing. If Alan hadn’t seen him at school yesterday, and not asked him to meet tonight, this set up may took another week. Or months. Or years, maybe. Nobody can tell for sure. Funny how something so strong, something you thought is that strong, could collapse in just a blink of an eye just because of a stupid mistake. Something that can’t be un-done. It can happen even with friendship. Theirs was on the process of collapsing. One of them, atleast, thought so.

Haven’t you talk to her yet? Alan finally asked.

Who?

Lisa.

Nope. I don’t think it would be a great idea, I mean talking to her. He said, shifting his attention to Alan. And can we not talk about it, about her.

He wasn’t bitter. Not at all. He just didn’t like to talk about her or see her, that’s all. And he’s not blaming her for all of this. Not anymore. Things happen, sometimes, for no reason at all. They just happened. Like what Alan told him. His friend, for the life of him, didn’t even know why he did what he did, kissing her. His girl. He knew he shouldn’t have done it, and that he didn’t mean for all of this to happen. But what happened happened. He didn’t even asked any question about it, Lex. It’s too much to discuss, the situation.

They’ve been silent for a while. Lex seemed to be more focused in playing billiards , which both he and Alan knew he hated before, than the conversation itself. But Alan didn’t mind it.

I’ve talked to her yesterday, Alan said. I was on my way to my chem class when I saw her. She’s a mess now. You can tell if you’ve seen her. She told me she missed you, and that she was sorry too.

Did she asked you to tell me that? Tell her I’m flattered.

No, no. She didn’t. I thought you should know. Talk to her.

Silence.

Look, it was my fault. I’m really hoping we can talk about it, of what happened. I’m.. I am really sorry. I should have never done it. I know it’s too late, and that I couldn’t change what happened or turn back time. I feel stupid for doing what I’ve done.

Silence again. Lex heard him ofcourse but his attention was still fixed on the table where balls of different colors were waiting for him, for his next move.

I’m sorry. Alan said again.

Lex looked at him for a moment, smiled and after a few seconds, went on playing.

I know, he said before hitting number 7.

that familiar feeling

Yesterday, after watching 17 Again (I am surprised the movie turned out to be good, and that Efron can really act), I felt a very strange feeling. It was, and still is, strange it gives me a headache. The last time I felt this was when I was still with my previous work. I never thought I would feel it again. And I did. The good thing is that I don't feel lost this time, as I did before. On the contrary, I feel really good. I feel alive again.

But ofcourse, there's still tomorrow.