bloody

I hope the movie won't disappoint me. I'm really expecting a lot from it, although I'm really trying not to.

The movie was written (for the screen) and directed by Paul Thomas Anderson, and was based on the first part of Upton Sinclair's novel Oil! (1927). Original music was by Jonny Greenwood (Radiohead). I heard a little of it (music/score) and I became an admirer right away. The music/score is so sick, and I love it. It makes me sick. This is a compliment, ofcourse. A big one. When I found out that Greenwood (or his original composition for the film) was not nominated for Best Original Score for next year's Golden Globes, I asked my self, Why? The movie stars Daniel Day-Lewis, Paul Dano, Kevin J. O'Connor, Ciaran Hinds, Dillon Freasier. I admire Day-Lewis, especially after seeing him in The Gangs of New York. He had been nominated a couple of times for Oscars, and had won the Best Actor award for his portrayal in My Left Foot.

The movie was presented by Paramount Vantage and Miramax Films (well, what's new?). There Will Be Blood will, I can feel it, be my movie this year (the movie will be shown here not until next year though.) And yes, certainly, There Will Be Blood comes the time.

just once?

Music can act. Watch Once, one of my favorite films, to know how. But it's not just the music that makes this movie engaging, blame it to its very simple yet beautiful story and its naturally gifted actors. The movie is a natural. It makes me feel guilty of watching it in pirated copy. I'm not sure if this had been shown here already. If not yet, then I'll certainly watch it again, and I'll buy a dvd of it- by that time, an original- once it becomes available.

I consider this movie special because before I became a movie and book addict, I was a music lover. I thought I have forgotten it, but I guess first love, really, never dies. You just need to be reminded of it once in awhile to know that it really doesn't.

Tagline: How often do you find the right person? ONCE

So it's really up to us, huh? Sigh.

dust to oscars

I shouldn't be doing this because I have promised myself to only write about sensible stuff from now on. But I can't help it. After re-watching it yesterday, I can't seem to get 3:10 to Yuma out of my mind, and heart too. If you have fallen inlove before, you would certainly understand me. It's awesome and fucking beautiful. And it's my new favorite (But there's still There Will Be Blood).

The movie evolved with Dan Evans (Christian Bale), a struggling farmer who will be forced to leave his house and land if he will not be able to pay his debt (with this guy whose name I have forgotten), and the outlaw Ben Wade (Russel Crowe), who is referred as boss by his men and who needed to be taken to Yuma to be trialled and hanged. Dan, desperate to fight for what is due for him and for his wife and two sons, volunteered to accompany the other guys (don't mind them; watch the movie to get to know them better) to get Ben to a 3:10 to Yuma train for $200. That evening, the group had supper in Dan's house, where Ben met Dan's family. Later that night Dan's older son Will (Logan Lerman) followed the guys to where they were heading, despite his father's will not to. Along the way, lives have been lost and characters have been unfolded. Ben has been persuading Dan to set him free for a $1000, a larger amount than what was offered to Dan for taking him to the train station. Dan, being a man he is, decent and principled, refused the offer, though you can tell he was thinking about it. Along the way, respect has been earned (this applies to all). In an unfortunate event, Ben's men were able to follow Dan's pack in the town where they stayed for awhile, waiting for the train to arrive. Now, these men, Ben's men, were like animals. They were ready to kill and die whenever necessary, especially for their boss. Ben warned Dan about this. Dan was very firm with his decision to get Ben on the train, that he was still willing to do it inspite being offered by the man who will be paying him for this job even if he decides to walk away, and even if his son persuaded him that it was the safest choice he needed to choose. So came the time when the 3:10 to Yuma train arrived. Bullets and blood flooded, lives ended and respect, once again, was earned.

Writing on how the story ended would just spoil the whole essence of the movie and may just take away your want to see it, so I'll not go there. Rest assured that it ended beautifully.

What I like about this movie is that fact that it made me appreciate its genre, which normally I wouldn't like. I also admired how the movie depicts the idea that inspite of the world's harshness, one can still live as a better person and respectable life and that there's goodness in each and everyone of us, whether you're a criminal or a saint. It's unfortunate though that our being bad, most of the time, overshadows that goodness in us.

And sometimes, we really have to know the person to really know him/her. First impression doesn't work all the time.

whine up

I was born a whiner. I complain a lot. Sometimes I just keep it to myself, the whining. It's not that I am afraid people will hate me for it, it's because I find it a bit tiring already. Most of the time I feel so fucked up by life that all I can do is just let it fuck me some more, I end up enjoying it. But really, if you think about it, I'm not the only one in this world whose life has been a mess since the very day of existence. There are those who had endured much than I have. There are those who were deprived of education, a home, a right, love or even parents. Yet, inspite of these, I still have the nerve to complain about my own life. Only this time I not only complain about mine but those of others as well. This is how life humors me.

for You

The Long and Winding Road
The Beatles

The long and winding road
That leads to your door
Will never disappear
I've seen that road before
It always leads me here
Lead me to you door

The wild and windy night
That the rain washed away
Has left a pool of tears
Crying for the day
Why leave me standing here
Let me know the way

Many times I've been alone
And many times I've cried
Any way you'll never know
The many ways I've tried
But still they lead me back

To the long winding road
You left me standing here
A long long time ago
Don't leave me waiting here
Lead me to your door
But still they lead me back

To the long winding road
You left me standing here
A long long time ago
Don't leave me waiting here

Lead me to your door...

that thing

I am inlove. Not exactly inlove with a person though. I think (or feel) I'm inlove with the idea of falling inlove, of being inlove. Do you get what I mean? I guess this is one gets from watching a lot of romantic films, just like what I've been doing lately. I even bought a 20-in-1 DVD of the biggest romantic movies. It's pirated, ofcourse. I've seen Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, Sense and Sensibility, Four weddings and a Funeral and yes, even My Best friend's Wedding. I must admit that I had a great time watching these movies, especially the first two. I even bought original copies of both. And I feel so fucking blessed to have been given the opportunity of watching these movies.

I thought I have given up the idea of, you know, us, at some point in time, being able to find that one person we will love for the rest of our lives- our soulmates; the one born for us and we were born for- the person that will complete us. I thought that after all the heartbreak I had been through, this idea would, and will forever remain, just be an idea.

And then I have watched these said films. Now I worry. What if that really how it goes? What if you are really meant to meet that one person who will hold your heart forever? And after all this sabbatical years you had yourself believed that none of this is true, you actually have met that person along the way. Since you have never expected for that person, and you don't believe that such a magic exists, you have ofcourse never realized that he or she is the one for you (I really hope I am making myself clear on this). The saddest part is the idea that you were meant to meet that time, and that time should have been it; that it's your one and only chance and you just blew it away. Just like that.

Then you end up being married to someone else. You know you love him or her, but you realize that there's something missing. And the shitty part is that you wouldn't be able to figure out what it is that's missing. Or probably you would. But what's the point, right? It's too late. Well, you'd tell yourself, what the fuck. I know I love this person I married. I can live with this (the situation). We have wonderful kids (if you already have any). I have a wonderful job (if you have any). And that missing thing is just bullshit. You have decided to love that person. Afterall, love is a decision (My bestfriend, and ex-girlfriend, told me this. I don't really believe it though.) But then again, you still feel it- that missing part of you. You thought you had yourself fooled but you thought wrong. What else can you do, huh? What else can you do?

Okay, I'll end this now. I'm not really sure if I am able to capture what it is I want to capture. I'm not good in writing, you know. This I have already accepted. But I just feel like I have to write about this. Actually, the truth is that I feel something I can't handle. So here I am, trying to get away from it (by writing). And no, I don't exactly know what it is I am feeling.

I guess this is one gets from watching a lot of romantic films, just like what I've been doing lately.

youtube-ing

Yesterday, I bought 3 pirated DVDs (Knocked Up, The Devil Wears Prada and Little Miss Sunshine) and 2 originals (Brokeback Mountain and Schindler's List). And I have finished watching those in less than 24 hours. It makes me proud. Now, expect the worst from me, because I'll certainly write something about each film (except Brokeback, because it had been done already). This time though, I'll not only write how beautiful I find the movie but the things I'll learn from the experience of watching it. I would want to start now, but I can't. Mariah Carey's version of one of my favorite songs is playing: You and I by Stevie Wonder. I not only cry and shudder when I see pure talent, I also do when I hear one.

possession

Since I realized I've become addicted to movies lately, and actually like the feeling of it, I decided to buy myself a portable DVD player. This would certainly prevent me from overbuying books (I have 14 books I bought that I haven't read yet) and getting enough sleep.

westernized

Another Oscars-worthy: 3:10 to Yuma. Beautiful. A must see. Russel Crowe and Christian Bale were amazing in this movie, and beautiful too (wink).

But I'm still waiting for There Will Be Blood. Can't wait to see the film, and Daniel Day-Lewis flaunt his stuff. I have a feeling that this movie will make me cry. Not because I think it's so touching (or maybe it is, who knows) but because of Day-Lewis and Paul Dano. I cry and shudder when I see pure talent.

movie and a book

Have seen Eastern Promises yesterday. The movie promises us simplicity, brilliance, beauty and intelligence. Something I can't really say my all-time favorite, but would certainly recommend to someone, instead of recommending those I consider my favorites. Weird. It is worth your P110, that is if you watch it in SM North Edsa, which is not a good idea.

Just finished reading Strange Pilgrims by the master himself, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, and damn it (excuse me), he really is deserving of that Nobel. Consists of 12 wonderful stories, this book proves Mr. Marquez to be a master of writing.

Q&A

Me 1: Why the hell write in English if you find it difficult, and you actually think (doesn't mean your not) your not good at it?

Me 2: Because I am worse in Filipino.

Gone Baby Gone

Gone Baby Gone has gone a long way as far as filmmaking is concerned. As thrilling and haunting as its predecessor Mystic River, if not better, this movie definitely deserves a two thumbs-up, or whatever form of recognition you can give it. Based on the novel of Dennis Lehane, this movie has already proven itself to be one of this year's bests.

Realization/observation(s) while/after watching Gone:

1. Dennis Lehane is a fucking good writer.
2. Ben Affleck is better off as a director, more than anything else.
3. He doesn't look like his brother, Casey Affleck, who acted very well in the film.
4. You can actually smell Oscars while watching it (let's wait and see).
5. That I want, someday, to become a director and make films that will awe, and at the same time, break the audience's heart.

Great story + great acting + how Affleck ended the movie = must see.

the good and bad

Arrgg.. I haven't gotten myself any sleep since yesterday morning. For this reason, I feel very sleepy right now. I hate it. I hate it because I have to be a blabber at work (you know, call center life), and I am not really that kind, plus I'm really sleepy. I can't wait to go home and just enjoy the comfort of lying down and not think of anything. How lovely it must be.

The reason why I wasn't able to sleep last night was because of my new schedule at work. My shift was moved from 2am to 10:45pm. It isn't really that bad, but I think I'm already used to sleep a little late most nights. And it would certainly take days or weeks for me to be able to adjust with this new change.

On a lighter note, I was able to finish reading two novels last night. Michael Cunningham's The Hours (1998) and Michael Shaara's The Killer Angels (1974). So in a way, I'm still thankful to have not been able to sleep the whole day yesterday.

I have been reading The Killer Angels for months already; I had it since October. I had never read a novel about civil war before, thus I'm not a fan of the genre. The first part was somewhat boring. But how Shaara gave life to the characters in this book made it a good one. The story didn't just concentrate about the war and all the bloody fight stuff, but also with the people who got caught in it- their 'human' qualities. Cunningham's The Hours, on the other hand, is haunting. I have always admired this author, especially after reading his Flesh and Blood (which is very good as well). In The Hours, he interpreted emotions in a way it seems almost real you can actually feel them rather than just being able to read (see) them in print. And this makes the book and the author stand out.

Both novels won the Pulitzer Prize for Literature, by the way.

And I still want to sleep though.

idiot box with morons

I hate politics and politicking that when I am about to see news with politicians on it, especially someone from the opposition side, I would normally want to throw up. I hate it when they lambast the current administration, as if they have done something worthy themselves. Shame. But worst thing they can do is to display their stupidity on national television. Just like what your Senator Trillanes and his colleague have done just recently. That particular incident when they invaded The Pen (which is in Makati). I understand that you want the government to know how much an unsatisfied citizen and government official you are. But do you really have to take control of the whole hotel - the same thing you did before with another, which is also located in Makati - where there are a lot of people, whose safety might be jeopardized of a possible forced take over of the military of the said building? Did you know that the whole Ayala Ave. has been closed because of what you and your guys did, and the hassle it caused the public? I also understand your hunger for media exposure. Everybody understands that. But if you really hate the President and the people who work for her, hire someone to kill them, because I assure you nothing will happen if you just stick with your stupid tactics. At least you will have a better reason to be jailed by that time, and your superiors might surely become very proud and fond of you, for that matter. Now, about the media exposure thing, why not ask your equally stupid acquaintance, Jamby, to divorce his husband and make sex videos together. That would surely be phenomenal. But is divorce already available here? Is she married in the first place? Or you guys can do it in Luneta, just to add a shade of patriotism to it.

And Senator, being patriotic is different from being moronic. Just a reminder. Although they sound almost alike.

in black and white

I know I have been writing a lot about movies lately, and as a matter of fact, I have been writing only about movies, and nothing else. And I understand that it can sometimes, if not all the time, be tiring to read same old stuff all over again. But I also know that no one will be tired of reading my same old stuff, because I know very well that nobody reads this. So I'll go ahead and write more about movies then, without worrying about my readers, who don't exist.

As of this very moment, I am watching Good Night, and Good Luck (2005). The movie was directed by George Clooney (and he was also in the movie). I know Clooney as a actor; I'm not a fan, but I can say that he got that it factor in him. I never thought that he can direct such an intense and gripping film as this one. I'm a bit surprised that he also got the eyes of an artist. I won't go into the details of the movie. This is not a movie review anyway. I just feel like I have to write, and let everyone know how good this movie is. It is beautiful. It's colorful despite its being in black and white. Definitely worthy of its oscars nomination.

Another must-see, though it's kinda late already.

movie marathon

I have recently seen these movies (just this week) :

1. Gladiator (my new favorite) - great acting by Mr. Crowe and Phoenix. Touching at times.
2. American Beauty - This is how cinema should be, always.
3. Braveheart - Mr. Gibson's accent is a turn on.
4. The Godfather II - Al Pacino is reason enough.
5. The Godfather III - A lot have been disappointed with it. I'm not one of them.
6. The Departed - I don't like it but the story is great. And it's a Scorsese film, for crying out loud.

These are beautiful films; film-making at its best. Such a shame it took me years before seeing these beautiful pieces of art.

black space

This space is for a friend who lost his father just recently.

guns, blood and a skinhead

First time I've seen it (this is the first movie Ive seen this week; saw it on the 21st), I was disappointed. Maybe because I expected so much from it (plus the fact that I have waited for it since last month) .

After re-watching it yesterday, I found myself respecting it. Maybe because I didn't expect so much this time. hehehe

A second look can really make a difference.

I'll do some re-reading then.

enchanted

... is, indeed, enchanting. Another must-see. Amy Adams is such a sweetheart. Love it.

crash

"It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something. "

- opening scene, crash (2004)


I love Brokeback Mountain and it's still my favorite. But i won't argue anymore that Crash, after watching it last monday with my friend Angus, really deserves the Oscars. Written and directed beautifully by Paul Haggis, this movie is a must-see.

it's superbad

Superbad is super fun.

I didn't really plan to watch this movie, or any movie shown this week, for that matter. But while i was checking Zafra's site yesterday, I thought of giving the movie a chance. In her site, Zafra wrote that if you only have to see one movie this week, make it superbad.

This movie is worth your money and time. It's super fun. But it's also super touching at some point. This movie made me appreciate my friends and the beauty of friendship.

they own the night, big time! II

After seeing it for the third time, I can say that We Own the Night is one of the best movies this year. And as for me, it's one of the best I have seen in my entire life. If this will not get any Oscars nomination, then it would already be quite obvious that The Academy sucks!

atonement

I am waiting! I want it NOW!

they own the night, big time!

I love We Own the Night. And I am surprised to have read negative reviews about the movie, mostly by critics (see: rotten tomatoes' site). But then again, that's their job. They wouldn't be called 'critics' for nothing in the first place. Good thing I followed my instinct and watched the movie yesterday. It would/could have been a great loss on my part had I considered the not-so-good things written about this beautiful film, and not watch it.

Now Joaquin Phoenix has become one of my favorite actors because of this movie.

this is not a movie review

I am Sam.

This movie made me realized I can still cry like a baby, and that I'm actually still human.

I just happened to watch the movie yesterday, for the first time (shame on me). I think it was shown in 2001; that's six fucking years before I was able to laid eyes on this wonderful, heartwarming film. And if I remember it correctly, I actually planned of seeing it when it first came out. I don't know what happened though or what hinder me from seeing it (six years + memory gap, not suprising). Prior to watching last night, I have heard a lot of good things about it. And i didn't see anything but good in this movie.

I was watching ASAP yesterday. I was planning to do some reading after that but Dodong (housemate) asked me if I wanted to watch a movie (on dvd). I sure did, so I asked him if he has a copy of Crash (Brokeback Mountain should have won the Oscars! hehe) or Cassanova (it's solely for Heath Ledger - one of my favorite actors). It turned out that he doesnt have copy of both. So I thought of something else. He recommended a few, which he happened to have watched already but I heart I am Sam. So we settled with it.

I was literally crying while watching the movie, beginning to end. I don't see anything wrong with crying over a movie though. It's just that I was crying even while watching it with other people. I am an emotional bastard but I'm not the showy type. So it surprised me that I didn't mind crying that time; I didn't mind what Dodong and his sister Beng would think about it. I just wanted to cry so bad, I would die by just merely thinking of holding those tears.

The story is about a mentally-challenged (retarted - mental/intellectual capacity that of a 7 year old kid) father who, inspite his condition, fought for his daughter from being taken away by the Department of Child and Family Services. It's a story of a father who knew little about almost everything, but knows how to love his daughter big time. It pains me to see Sam being hurt, because you see not a man, but a 7 year-old kid being hurt. Sean Penn is such a good actor for having been able to portray the character of Sam beautifully. And I just love Dakota Fanning. She is so adorable. Michelle Pfeiffer did a wonderful job as well.

This is another story that shows the wonders of love. It tells us that love, most often than not, is all we need.

*******
Excerpt from the movie I am Sam (c/o http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0277027/quotes)

Lucy: Daddy, did God made for you to be like this or was it an accident?
Sam: Ok, what do you mean?
Lucy: I mean you're different.
Sam: But what do you mean?
Lucy: You're not like other daddies.
Sam: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry.
Lucy: It's ok, daddy. It's ok. Don't be sorry. I'm lucky. Nobody else's daddy ever comes to the park.
Sam: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah, we are lucky. Aren't we lucky? Yeah!

*******

Lucy: I won't read the word!
Sam: I'm your father and I'm telling you to read the word. Cause I can tell you to because I'm your father.
Lucy: I'm stupid.
Sam: You are not stupid!
Lucy: Yes, I am.
Sam: No, you are not stupid 'cause you can read that word.
Lucy: I don't wanna read it if you can't.
Sam: No, because it makes me happy! It makes me happy hearing you read. Yeah, it makes me happy when you're reading.
Lucy: [Lucy reads again]

*******

conversations II

Blogging wasn't on my plan for today, except that I don't really have any plans at all to begin with, and I am not the kind who plans things ahead. I would want this day to be peaceful, that I don't want the agony of writing (or thinking of what to write ) to spoil it. I kept myself busy browsing, reading other people's blogs, eating hotdog sandwiches and taking few calls (I work in a call center).

Today, I had my lunch with friends at the pantry (which I don't normally do). We were watching TV while eating (The tv was already on when we went there). The channel was set to ETC and Ambush Makeover was being shown.

While watching TV, a friend asked why is it that nobody's perfect (This had something to do with the program we were watching). I thought of it for awhile, only to realize that I don't exactly know why, and find the question rather difficult. So instead of answering, I asked her a question as well. I asked what perfection is for her (how she defines it). She didn't answer. I didn't know what to answer either if someone would ask me the same question.

I just ended the conversation uttering these exact words: "I think being perfect is imperfection itself."

I don't really know how to explain it (though i can try explaining it, if necessary) but it sounded really good, I admired myself for a second for having said it.

it's a holiday... so?

Today is a holiday but I am at the office working. What's new, right? This is one of the things I hate about working in a call center. You always work, even on holidays (even on Christmas and New Year). Last year I was very lucky to had been scheduled to report to work on Christmas and New Year's day. The former I have attended. I just pretended to have forgotten I had to report to work for the latter. For that, a memo had been served. I didn't really care. Atleast I enjoyed.

self murdering

1. I have been smoking a lot lately.
2. Coffee overdosing
3. maximum of 2 to 4 hours of sleep a day (this is not alarming though, not for me)
4. just 1 to 3 glasses intake of water a day
5. over-reading; concurrently (?) reading 4 books - The Shipping News by Annie Proulx, The Sportswriter by Richard Ford, The Killer Angels by Michael Shaara and The Autumn of the Patriarch by Gabriel Garcia Marquez (now this is alarming, heheh)
6. no sex since, when?! (I'm just joking; I hate sex, bwahahaha)
7. been addicted to porn
8. still stuck with this stupid job I have since last year

tuesday with nothing.

Another boring day and my stomach is already complaining. I want to take my lunch break but it's too early for that. It's only 5:44 am and I have to stay here until 12:30 pm. If I take my lunch this early, I will have to expose myself to the possibility of endless calls (and call flow) for a solid six hours. That isn't something nice to look forward to. That would mean killing myself - in a way worse than suicide bombing. Imagine that.

Guess I have to settle with the art of toggling (see: concept of queue in a call center context) for a while, until I can tell myself I already had enough.

which superhero am i?

Your results:
You are Hulk

Hulk 75% The Flash 60% Spider-Man 60% Green Lantern 60% Supergirl 55% Superman 55% Wonder Woman 50% Robin 45% Catwoman 45% Batman 45% Iron Man 15%

You are a wanderer with amazing strength.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...

uhm, don't you think he's a little green for me?


.

the best, ever

rush-ing

I called my sister last night because I've been longing to hear Thea's voice. Good thing they were still awake. I was able to have a little chat with her. Man, it made my day complete. I told her how much I miss her and she said she misses me too. After that little chat we had, I swear I was almost certain of getting myself on a bus to Pampanga.

4:14 am

I know it's too early for blogging, but I don't have anything better to do right now. I don't want to kill myself with boredom. I sometimes have the tendency, just to let you know, of being brain dead for a minute, especially when I'm at work (which is the case right now). Although I have a copy of The Shipping News (Annie Proulx) with me, I can't seem to like the idea of reading. Atleast not this time. Not today. To go sleep is what I want to do. But I can't, ofcourse. So I thought of just blogging.

I was thinking about the comment my friend shared with one of my entries here. He wrote that in writing, grammar isn't everything. Though I know he didn't mean that grammar isn't important at all. He advised not to concern myself so much with it, that it would eventually improve itself if I just continue to write. What is important is I am able to express what there is to express. And I think he's right. Afterall, I created this (the blog) as a channel for self-expression.

And it actually feels good to write without worrying so much about grammar.

Now I have a better excuse for committing grammatical errors.

rice at the cinema

Yesterday, supposedly, was my rest day. But I went to work for OT (To relieve Elvin that day; he had to attend an important family matter). My shift normally starts at 3:30 am, but I reported to work at 7:30 am, because it's Elvin's schedule. So this means i stayed at work until 4:30 pm. Around 3:00 pm, I was the only one left around the area where I had found a seat that morning. The feeling of being alone, especially at work, didn't feel so nice. I was thinking if I made the right decision for rendering an OT for Elvin. Then just to cast aside the idea of being alone, I tried thinking positively. Atleast I had done something worthy for someone and, at the same time, I get to earn extra for it. The idea, I think, worked.

Then my shift finally ended. So right after work, I decided to give myself a treat. I went to Robinsons Pioneer to eat. Pork Chao Fan . My favorite. That was just the plan originally. But then, I decided to check the films being shown for this week. Nothing interest me. Butterfly on the wheel is the only movie I recognized, since I was able to see its trailer one time. Then this movie poster caught my attention. Lust, Caution. I think it was a chinese film, I'm almost certain about it. Then I tried figuring out what the movie is all about by just merely looking at its poster. I realized, as I was doing the checking, that the movie was directed by Ang Lee (same guy who did Brokeback Mountain - one of my favorites, and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon). The same guy that, for his craft, I have enormous respect to.

Next thing I knew I was already eating Chao fan (I find it odd eating rice inside a movie house) while watching Lust, Caution. I can confidently say that this movie is one of the best of Lee's. Just like Brokeback, the movie was based on a short story (not so sure about it though). It's a beautiful film. The sexual content though is too much for a moralist. But I am not a moralist so it didn't really matter. This is the kind of movie you can consider a form of art. This is the kind of movie that should be included on one's Friendster (favorite movies). Now this movie is a testament that Lee should be considered a legend in Film making. He is awesome, really good with details. A pure talent. A true artist.

I hope our very own movie producers and directors would be able to stay true to their "art", just like lee.

Rendering an OT yesterday wasn't that bad afterall, I realized.

rant

Damn it, I can't write.

a love that will never grow old

A Love That Will Never Grow Old
OST: Brokeback Mountain

Go to sleep, may your sweet dreams come true
Just lay back in my arms for one more night
I've this crazy old notion that calls me sometimes
Saying this one's the love of your life.

[Chorus:]
Cause I know a love that will never grow old
And I know a love that will never grow old.

When you wake up the world may have changed
But trust in me, I'll never falter or fail
Just the smile in your eyes, it can light up the night,
And your laughter's like wind in my sails.

[Chorus]

Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

[Chorus]

brokenhearted

I'm still not feeling well. Still brokenhearted from watching Brokeback Mountain yesterday. I even had a hard time getting myself to sleep last night. I also got a copy of the book yesterday. Just like the movie, the book just broke my heart (which should be the case since the movie is based on it, duh). I hope i'll get over it soon.

But honestly, i kind of like the feeling. I mean, what i'm feeling right now.

a true love story

Just done watching Brokeback Mountain on the net. Twice. And all I can say is, omg! I sure have seen a lot of good movies but this one really knocked me off. God, I couldn't believe how beautiful it is.

When it first came out, I promised myself I would watch it. And i can't remember what really happened, why I wasn't able to catch it then. But hell to that!

Good thing I was able to see it today. Twice. This movie is one of the best movies I've ever seen in my entire life. And you know what, I think it's the best. Yeah, it took the top spot on my list. And as i'm typing this, I am having a hard time thinking of the right word to describe the movie. It's too beautiful that words would not be able to describe it's beauty.

I know that it's a bit controversial, the movie, especially to those who are not really used to this kind of topic. But it's real. It's just that we, most often than not, refuse to see the truth. Is it because of fear, or us, just being judgmental, I don't know. What I do know is that the kind of set up, or that kind of affair we saw in the movie really does exist.

Most of us are waiting for the right person. The one. Someone who will complete us. And there are some who can't just settle waiting, that they even go out looking for that one person. But what if that someone, that one person who can make you happy for the rest of your life, isn't someone you expected him/her to be? And what if that person is someone you can't have, someone you know you shouldn't love. But what if you know that if you can't have that someone, you'll never be completely happy or just be happy at all? These are the thoughts I've been thinking after watching the film.

This movie breaks my heart to the level I couldn't take any longer. Sad. Heartbreaking. Imagine the feeling of wanting to see, hold and kiss someone who isn't there any longer; who will never be there. Forever. And the saddest part is the realization that you are meant to love that someone until the very last beat of your heart.

I don't feel good right now. I need some re-focusing done. Help, anyone?

on stardust

" Yeah you and me we can ride on a star
If you stay with me girl
We can rule the world-
Yeah you and me we can light up the sky
If you stay by my side
We can rule the world... "

- take that, OST stardust


I'm not really sure why, but I have been thinking about stardust since yesterday (just watched it yesterday). I even dreamed about it last night. Weird. Guess Ive fallen inlove with the movie. Can't blame myself though. It's a very nice movie. It will make you laugh, cry (hey, i did) and fall inlove. Just like that. Imagine. Can't wait to read the book.

the notebook on mute

I am currently watching the notebook, on mute. Not so much because I prefer watching it without sounds, but because I'm at work. And browsing is definitely a no-no here. With the kind of work we have though, it's impossible not to browse. It's either you take the risk of being caught and a possible memo (once caught browsing non work-related sites, you'll be reprimanded and by second offense, you'll be suspended) or be brain dead. The former seems less harmful. Yesterday, we were so bored that we asked our teammate, bern, for websites where we can watch movies online. The first one he suggested, months ago, isn't working any longer, or should I say, non-existent anymore.

This is the first time i see this movie. Lots of my friends have been telling me that the movie is a good one, as well as the book. I think I just didn't have a heart, during those times, for anything romantic. Yesterday, pretty (she insisted on this one) Lou was watching it while I was in ergo proxy. She actually love the movie and was suggesting for me to watch it. I was so into the anime, which , as mentioned in one of my entries here, is freakin' amazing, that I didn't mind her.

So today is the day.

The idea of watching a movie on mute may conjure craziness but what the heck, I don't have much of a choice.

Although I'm watching the movie on mute, I can still feel what the characters might have been feeling that would have otherwise been evident with the dialogue itself. The love Noah and Allie have for each other feels like a grip on a pounding heart (I hope I am able to describe it the way I really wanted to describe it). Something one's heart could not contain because it's too overwhelming. They may have, each, fallen in love with a different person but the love they always have for each other never died. And that I think you can really call real. Yeah, it must be what others refer to as real.

So I fell in love with the movie. The romance. It makes me want to fall in love. Sigh

wonders

Ergo Proxy is freaking amazing.

I couldn't believe my eyes.

bitterness and all

Last night was both an entertaining experience and a disappointing one for me. It was U Can Dance Version 2 (UCD) finals on ABS-CBN, which is one of the things I have been looking forward to seeing (watching).

It was entertaining (or rather fun) because of saicy. Saicy is one of the housemates in the most recent Pinoy Big Brother (PBB) edition. She was from Bacolod, the same city where I went to Highschool. And we actually went to the same school. Cool. Anyway, I was eager to see her dance, ofcourse, with her partner. Every saturday, I would always try to watch UCD. If I would be unable to do so, I would rely mostly on Youtube. Good thing there're people who post videos of her (Saicy) performaces that I haven't been able to see. Now I consider these people holy. So they were the last to perform. The 5 pairs prior to them were great. The dances and stunts each pair showcased made me worry for Saicy. And after seeing the 5 pairs performed, I was literally praying that they would atleast do good, if they can't be the best. So came the performance. It was, by far, their best performance. And I truly believe, and I'm not just saying this because I go for them, that they were the best couple that night. The fact that they exceeded what I've expected from them made me almost cry, literally. And considering that they were part of the finals as a "wild card" couple really made an impression, not only for me and my friend Nelmar (who loves Saicy very much) but also to the judges. It really was a dazzling performance.

Unfortunately, they didn't make it to the top 3 spot, who competed for the final round. And don't ask me why because I really don't have any clue. I almost believed they would make it. But just like in any other competitions, the judges are the ones who got the final say. And unfortunately (again), I think they didn't see what I saw with saicy's performance. Nelmar felt sad about the result as well.

So I told him that it's okay. I remember texting him that it's not so much about winning, but doing (or giving) your best that matters. And obviously, Saicy, with her partner (who surprisingly performed well that time) did very well.

I almost believed my own words, only that I texted those out of bitterness.

conversations

I was thinking of writing; I was thinking of adding another entry to this blog. But I couldn't think of anything sensible to write about. So when a friend logged in on his ym, I asked him for suggestions (of topics he thinks are worthy of writing about). I forced him. Then, I lost interest. It so sudden it almost felt like me. So I didn't need his suggestions any longer. I did him a favor instead. Google Talk. I had to do it if I really want to talk (chat) with him. And I wanted to. So Google Talk it was. I downloaded it because he couldn't settle with ym. It so obvious, he said. His supervisor might catch him chatting while at work. F.Y.I. browsing, including the use of messenger, of any kind, has been banned at his work, as it has been at mine. Cleverness.

I remembered him asking me a favor: to read one of his favorite books (Tuesday's with Morrie). So during the chat, he asked me if I had already read the novel. Unfortunately, I haven't yet. It seemed, in an instant, a disappointment on my part. If I hadn't promised him about it, I probably wouldn't feel this way. So I promised again. I re-assured him that I'll be reading the novel the soonest time possible. Would this be another hey-I-made-a-promise-but-I-didn't-do-it thing, it's too early to tell.

So he talked about the things he realized after reading the book. He discussed how the book changed his views on life. He explained that it made him appreciate the importance of time, the people who have been a part of his daily struggle, and the little things in life which, if considered on their truest essence, are far more meaningful than the things we keep ourselves busy with.

Love. A smile. A hug.

He asked me to consider the people and things I deem important; people/things I value most. Then asked me of things I would do, and haven't done yet, for these people/things. Now prior to asking me these questions, he was a little hesitant. He thought that this kind of things would bother me. I think, in a way, it did. But I have realized a lot of things I would have taken for granted had he not reminded me. A slap on the face, it almost felt like.

I came to a realization of how much I love my family; of how much I want to hug my mother, of how much I want to tell my sister that she mean so much to me, and of how much joy Thea has brought into my life. I realized how ugly life can be, even with wealth and fame, without these people. My reasons.

So to you my friend, thank you.

And from now on, I will treat each day as if it's my last. Your new motto.

lit 103

Esches
The Inconsistent

He noticed her staring at him
straight in the eye
blue, sharp
without blinking as he did not.

Puzzled. She let out a smile he recognized was his.
Curved on the face almost identical, as his had produced
his sight dictated.

He uttered a word, must be hello, as she did
almost instantaneously
without letting her word echoed his.

Had he been dreaming, he asked himself silently,
but his senses showed him otherwise.
Then he approached her as she approached him,
unsure if she felt him.
Their bodies in harmony.

He stopped inches from her
only to realize that he is seeing himself

on what he thought could be a mirror.

lit 102

Nonesense
The Inconsistent

Isa. Dalawa. Tayo.

Sila.

Laban.

Talo.

Apat.

sa Kanya.

random thoughts

My shift for today has just ended. It's a bit suprising that I am still able to think. I'm still at the office though. No, I'm not here for overtime. I'm here for this, my blog. Yeah! I'm in the mood to write. I like this.

I'm currently thinking of what to eat. I think I'll go for malingsilog, one of my favorites.

I have to finish reading the books I have been reading since when, last week? I'm reading two books now. Alternately. Flesh and Blood by Michael Cunningham and Beloved by Toni Morrison, which were written years ago. So it's safe to say that I'm doing some catching up with literature. These books, by the way, are great.

I'm about to leave.

Okay, I'm leaving.

And by the way, Pacquio just won over barrera. I think I can consider this good news.

for a change

I have realized how great it feels not to overthink things out. I feel good about it, considering the fact that for the last few months (or from the very day I realized I am capable of thinking), I've been draining myself with negative thoughts (energy). Why exactly had I been allowing these negative thoughts (energy) affect me, particularly my way of thinking, I do not know. But it did.

Anyway, as mentioned, I have somewhat gotten myself out of that nightmare (I really do consider it as such). And everytime I feel contemplating about life again, specifically the kind I have, I would pick up something I can read to distract myself from, again, overthinking. One more thing I've realized is how much security one can get from reading. Okay, I'm lying. I had realized this since the day I learned how to read. But seriously, books, especially award-winning ones (ones written by Nobel Prize - winner authors and Pulitzer Prize - winning novels), really give you such peace of mind, such pleasure.

So if you happen to read this, try it. Read.

is he?

Strong Enough
by Stacie Orrico

As I rest against this cold hard wall, will you pass me by?
Will you criticize me as I sit and cry?
I had fought so hard and thought that all my battles had been won
Only to find the war had just begun

Chorus:
Is He not strong enough?
Is He not pure enough?
To break me, pour me out and start again?
Is He not brave enough?
To take one chance with me
Please can I have one chance to start again

Will my weakness fall and and now make me suffer for a lifetime?
Is there any way to be made whole again
If I be renewed and find forgiveness by the strength I've never had
Will my scars forever ruin all God's plans?

Chorus:
Is He not strong enough?
Is He not pure enough?
To break me, pour me out and start again?
Is He not brave enough?
To take one chance with me
Please can I have one chance to start again

He took my life into His hands
And turned it all around
In my most desperate circumstance, is where I'm finally found

That You are strong enough
That You are pure enough
To break me, pour me out and start again
That You are brave enough
To take one chance on me,
Oh thank You for my chance to start again

*******

It seems stupid to create a blog and just post song lyrics in it. It just shows that you have nothing good (or better) to write about. But this isn't always the case. hehe I decided to post the lyrics of Stacie Oricco's Strong Enough here because of the fact that I love the song and, ultimately, the message it conveys. I love the artist as well, by the way. This song makes me cry sometimes.

Life is beautiful, no doubt about it. But there are times that it gets a little shitty (I'm not sure if such a word exists, but you probably able to realize what I mean). During these times, we wonder if He loves us or what. We tend to question Him or His existence. But being able to see the good things in life; being able to experience love, being able to hear the laughter of children, being able to see the smile upon the face of our loved ones are reasons enough. These are reason enough to know that He loves us. Being able to wake up each morning is reason enough that He is giving us another chance to do better and be better.

*******
Inconsistency. Yes, this entry, or perhaps the blog as a whole, shows how inconsistent my thoughts are. It shows on my way of writing. Another problem I have to work on.

lit 101

Solace
The Inconsistent

As darkness covered my soul
And dominated the light which uncovered the reality in me,

I felt hopeless.
I cried.

Until a sudden force touched my heart,
My whole being.
It was a hug, an invisible one.

I knew it, it was him.

untitled

This is another attempt to write. Another attempt that will, considering my previous attempts, disappoint me. Writing had always been disappointing me. I don't know why, but it always does. The fact that I feel I'm not good at it makes it worse. But then again, it's there. The want. The want to write, it seems, is already a part of my system. And there's no way of running from it. I can actually, but this would mean taking a part of me. Away from me. That, for sure, wouldn't feel nice. So here I am, again, for the nth time, trying to get myself to write.

This is not my first blog. I have created one with blogspot a few months ago. The account still exists. However, I feel like I have to create another. For what reason, I don't know. I just feel like doing so. A friend of mine, who happens to be a writer himself, once advised me that if I want to be a good writer, I have to start writing. This is one of the reasons I created this blog (and that one I mentioned above). Another reason, which I consider most important, is that, through this, I will be able to express myself. This is where I can rant about certain things.

I am writing, just to clarify things out, to express, not to impress. Though it would be great, and would surely be overwhelming to have, even just a handful, fans who will appreciate you through your writing.

I hope I make sense. I hope this makes sense.